So I woke up today. Obviously you did too, so that’s something.
I’ve had a rough couple of days. I spent some time in the pity pot trying to hide from anxiety, stewing over things that were bothering me; things that were pissing me off. The usual – health, society, not knowing how to do crap on my computer, people, stuff I haven’t done that needs to get done. It’s a random and lengthy list I won’t bore you with.
I went to bed last night praying I would wake in the morning with a new perspective. I tried to fall asleep giving myself a pep talk, cheering myself onward to a better tomorrow – complete with an imaginary cheer-leading squad with pom-poms and ponytails.
Gimme an H
Gimme an A
Gimme a P-P-Y
What’s that spell?
Happy! Happy!
Beeee happy!
You can do it!
Yes you can!
If you can’t do it
no one can!
Beeee happy!
I annoyed myself and took a sleeping pill. I had nightmares about murdering cheerleaders, but I slept surprisingly well, I’m not sure what that says about me. Maybe I do need a therapist. Anyway, I woke up and tried to replace my residual stinkin’ thinkin’ with some positive affirmations – hip-hip-hooray and sis-boom-blah-bah.
My first thought was, “It’s a brand new day.”
My second thought was, “No shit Sherlock, every day is a brand new day.”
To which my first thought responded, “Here we go again, why can’t you just think positive? Let’s walk on some sunshine and think happy thoughts!”
Second thought then told first thought to piss off.
I’m trying to ignore this internal dialogue and find some neutral ground until one of them claims victory. Until that happens, I’m just going to get out of bed, drink copious amounts of coffee and make lists (I will lose) of all the things I need to accomplish. Or maybe I’ll watch Netflix.
The Qwiet Muse 
sometimes that sounds like me and for all the people that say happiness is a choice, don’t you want to slap them? In reality, if someone has been unhappy for a long long time then how much of a choice is it really? I sometimes wonder if people who say clichés like this have the idea that people who are unhappy want to be that way? Maybe some of them do, I don’t know but the dream about murdering cheerleaders gave me a chuckle.
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Sometimes it’s a choice people don’t have the right tools to make – It seems to me if it were that easy, none of us would ever be unhappy! But still, sometimes we do have to pull ourselves up and out of the darkness and simply give it a try.
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Netflix!!!!! You veg out and watch mindless t.v., sometimes it does a body wonders 🙂
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That internal chatter is a bitch. It gets me started every night worrying about things I can’t change and things that really don’t matter. I haven’t been doing yoga lately so try as I may, I cannot shut off the noise. Hope you find some peace and happiness. In the meantime, a little patience and encouragement go a long way. Go you 🙂
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Watch Netflix 😉
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Ah, I know days like this. Dry, desperately dry days. Here’s to a good soaking in the grace of God! And cheerleaders are SO overrated.
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Welp, your post made me smile so there’s that at least.
And your drawings are adorable.
And we all think you are amazing, although you may want to keep an eye on that killing cheerleader thing…
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I make lists…. long, lengthy lists of even little things, and each time I scratch something off feels like an accomplishment.
I take on way too much, though, and know that there are certain things — important things — that constantly get pushed down to the bottom of the list.
One of these days…..
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