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On coping with writer’s block (or the lies we tell ourselves along the way)

Jun11

sunnyrap's avatarBlack coffee and cigarettes

writing 2

I haven’t written for a very long time.

I joined a creative writing class a while ago to help me through my ‘writer’s block’ – can you call yourself a writer if you don’t write? – and I managed to produce a total of 500 words over the entire four-week course. A paltry amount by any standards, though the course itself was brilliant.

One of the suggestions from my fellow writers was to write about why I don’t write. I’ve been thinking a lot about the reasons I don’t write lately so this seemed as good a place to kick off my writing again as any. And also address why I call myself a writer in the first place – a hard sell in the writing void of the last few months.

In my professional life, I have been a public relations consultant, a journalist and now, an editor. Words…

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Writers Angst

Jun9

I’m not good enough. It is as simple as that; I’m just not good enough. There is a wicked little voice somewhere inside of me, whispering of my inadequacies, reminding me of my shortcomings. I’ve tried to quell it with all of the positive thinking I can muster, but still it never quiets. If I could rid myself of this angst I imagine I would rise higher into the literary heights I often dream of, but alas, the beast that it is does not share my dreams.

It cannot stop the words from flowing forth; it cannot keep me bound in some wordless prison. No, all of my words are locked up right alongside of me. Every now and again I find escape. Every now and then I feel a sense of accomplishment. Each time I do however, the voice begins to babble. Each time I see my name in print it should fill me with pride and it quite often does, sadly though, it doesn’t last for long.

I question each word I write, for the longest time I kept my words hidden so no one would see. It is a small victory for me each time I show the world what lay within me. I often wonder if this battle will always be. If I will always feel not good enough, if I will ever stop waiting for someone to finally tell me to stop writing and wasting my time.

Words have been my constant companions; they have never failed me, never judged me, never left me. They let me do with them what I will; they give themselves to me without question. The voice tells me they are not mine to have, I am not worthy of them.

In my heart I do not believe it, in my heart I know my words are meant to be, I know I am worthy of them. It is not my heart that stands between me and what could be, it is my mind, my ever working, ever wondering, ever wandering mind that builds the walls I must climb.

It is a sometimes a struggle to knock them down, yet brick by brick they fall and I make my way past the rubble and travel with my head held high, praying no more walls will block my path. I know I will one day find the strength to hush the voice of doubt, for I know that small, yet powerful voice is my own.

Crystal R. Cook

With words as my wings

Jun9

In the serenity
of sweet silence,
a passing muse
softly beckons,
together
we soar
high above
this plane of
existence.

With pen in hand,
I wrap my soul
in the warmth,
and wonder,
and whimsy
of words.

I revel
in the release
of my spirit,
transported to
that perfect place
where words
dance.

I give
the breath
of life
to my every
thought,
my every
dream,
my every
desire,
surrounding
myself
in the peace
they bring.

I fly without fear,
with words
as my wings,
frolicking,
fearless
and free . . .

Crystal R. Cook

Writer

Jun8

We Write by Crystal R. Cook

As long as there are words, there will be someone at the ready with their quill of choice to pen them. Words have always been, and words will always be . . . so we write.

I write because it sustains me, it brings me peace. I write so I will live on in my words when my time on earth has passed. My voice immortalized forever upon a page in hopes the children of my grandchildren may one day hear me and know who I once was. I hope they know when they hold my words in their hearts, they are holding me.

Writing is the sweetest of freedoms. It breaks the chains which try to bind us to this world. It is freedom to release and let go of angst or anger, sadness or fear. Freedom to soar above this plane of existence and reach heights never before reached. When we write we are free to be all of who we are when the world seeks to quell our voices.

I must share the words that well within me. I must write of my joys and my sorrows, my memories and my dreams. I must share the knowledge I have gained and I must write to learn, for there is much to be learned. In my words I am real. No pretences, no expectations and no judgments.

To some, writing is as essential as the air around them, each word a life-sustaining breath, a beat of their heart. Words hold healing for the one who writes them as well as the one who reads them; there is power in each stroke of the pen. The written word is a gift of greatest worth.

Writers teach, they entertain, they inspire and they motivate, they capture and they captivate. If writers ceased to give life to words, knowledge would no longer be gained, memories would fade, and the most important of things would be forever forgotten.

Some writers learn to write, honing their craft to create, others were born with the blessing of words ready to flow from their fingertips, all share their gift with the world, leaving the mark of their soul on humanity. Many writers have helped mold the lives of those who read their words. People are shaped, in no small part, by what they read in life; they carry the words within them. Enlightenment is often found in the pages of a book, a simple thought, printed and bound, can be a life changing epiphany for someone else. What greater gift could a writer give or receive? I can think of none better.

Writers must write. I truly don’t think there are words enough to explain just why we dance this dance with words. We simply must write . . .

Crystal R. Cook

The Chaos by G. Nolst Trenité

May28

The Chaos by G. Nolst Trenité

They say if you can properly pronounce each word with proficiency, you’ve mastered our marvelous language with honors . . . Read it aloud and see how well you do!

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation — think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough —
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!

Inspiration

May24

image

Inspiration . . . the often elusive treasure every wandering muse searches for. Inspiration is the heart and soul of a writer’s world. Inspiration breathes life into the written word. Without it, a writer could not weave a work of words into a beautiful tapestry for a reader to behold.

Inspiration generally finds me when I am not seeking it. It may rise from the ashes of heartache or drift in on the wings of a gentle spring zephyr. I have been inspired by the innocence of a sleeping babe, by the perfect sound of a child’s laughter and by sadness seen in the eyes of a grieving widow.

Often, when I am looking for inspiration, it seems there is none to be found until it sneaks in and surprises me in a quiet moment. Inspiration likes to wake me in the dark of night and steal my slumber, my sleepy eyes blur the words I pen to the page by the light of a midnight moon. I know too well if I wait until the morn, the moment will have passed and what could have been written will never be wrote.

Many find inspiration in the world around them, some find it within themselves. I have been inspired by questions asked and by answers given. I have found inspiration in the breathtaking beauty of a butterfly’s wing and in the clouded eyes of an old man on the corner, sitting in silence as people pass him by.

An American flag tattered yet proud, flowing freely and strong. The image of a soldier kneeling in faithful prayer, not knowing what tomorrow will bring, and watching trees gently sway as they dance with the wind. The sound of raindrops on a rooftop or the softness of skin, aged gracefully with time. The worn binding and soft pages of a treasured, old book. These are but a few of the many things which have inspired me.

I’ve been inspired by once forgotten memories that somehow found their way back to me. There are times when pain is my inspiration, instead of letting it fester, I let whatever words come bring healing. Unexpected inspiration can be born of anger and angst, I’ve found healing in these moments as well.

I have learned inspiration comes when it will. I have also learned to look and listen and feel everything within me and around me, so when it comes round it will not easily pass me by.

For some time now, I’ve not heeded the call to write when it beckoned and begged me to spill new words upon a page. I’ve once again opened my eyes and my ears and my heart to the inspirations that have long been crying out in effort to be noticed.

This blog, this new chapter is strange and exciting. Until now I’ve kept so much of what I have poured onto the page for myself. I’ve been my own worst critic. I’ve let self-doubt take my hand and lead me astray. I’ve limited myself to paragraphs and chapters here and there, tiny samplings of what I hold inside. I’ve published randomly around the web, articles that merely left me aching to write more, stifled by word counts and subject matter.

Perhaps, in part, this was the reason I stopped clicking away at the keys and jotting down thoughts and dreams. The reasons why are meaningless now, I’ve taken this leap of faith and as sure as God gives me the words I share, He will continue to provide inspiration . . .

Crystal R. Cook

My Favorite Things

May24

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Beauty and music, sunshine and light,
the wings of a dove, softly rustling in flight.

The smell of the morning after summers rain,
crackling campfires, and bubbling champagne.

Voices of children, singing songs of praise,
the evening mist, and long autumn days.

The changing of seasons, a moment of prayer,
goosebumps and laughter, my favorite chair.

Being lost in a moment, the voice of a friend,
being held in a hug I hope never ends.

The way my cheeks feel coming in from the cold,
the softness of hands as they begin to grow old.

Sincerity and honesty, faith, hope and love,
knowing that God is somewhere above.

The presence of angels, a wonderful dream,
having a bowl of my favorite ice cream.

Snuggles and cuddles and soft babies feet,
that fleeting moment my house is tidy and neat.

Sweet memories to cherish, tears of sadness and joy,
pictures in albums, my childhood toy.

Sharing a secret, shouting out loud,
laying back in the sun, guessing shapes in the clouds.

Rain on the rooftop, silence so still,
meadows and forests, lacy frost on the sill.

The power of prayer, uninterrupted sleep,
making a promise I know I will keep.

Sitting and thinking of my favorite things,
like cupcakes and flowers and angel’s wings.

The innocent sweetness of love’s first kiss,
and simply sharing my thoughts with a friend like this.

(c) Crystal R. Cook