We enter into this world helpless; hungry, and greedy for attention. Compassion wrapped in the purity of a parent’s love becomes the sustenance with which that hunger is satiated. I believe we are all born with the capacity for compassion, but it’s something that must be nurtured within us if it is to grow.
Maybe this is why it’s called practicing compassion. We aren’t born with the tools we need to become compassionate people, someone has to give them to us and then we need to be taught how to use them. Parents cradle more than new life in their arms when a child enters this world, they are swaddling the future in a blanket of their compassion, and every choice they make has the power to alter that future, for better or for worse.
As parents, we have to speak to the hearts of our children with more than our voices. We have to engage in a dialogue of the heart because if we don’t, the voices of the world will fill in the void of silence we leave. It’s not enough to tell them what compassion is, a dictionary can do that, we need to show them.
Our children see everything we do, hear everything we say. They feel what we feel. They see when we go out of our way to help someone in need, they see when we ignore someone in need as well. They hear the kindness in our words, they also hear the disdain and judgments. They mirror who we are. They become who they will be, in part, because of who they saw us to be.
We need to be compassion, we need to define it so our children know what it is and how to live it.
Compassion is something we can practice every single day, it may begin with self compassion, something many of us have a hard time with. We beat ourselves up, we overwork, under sleep, undervalue our personal worth, but if we don’t practice self compassion we render ourselves incapable of becoming a person of outward compassion, what we are really doing by not taking time to nurture who we are, is robbing the world of our light.
We need to let our light shine so there are no longer dark places in our world where hope cannot be seen. We need to shine. We need to be bright and brilliant beacons of hope, of what could be. If your light brightens the path for even one person to find their way out of the shadows, you have changed the world.
Compassion is not conditional, it comes from your heart. Compassion is what you do for others without expectation of thanks or reward. Compassion is putting the shoe on the other foot, it is sharing the burden of a heavy load. Compassion is a smile, a prayer, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold. Compassion doesn’t judge, it doesn’t need reason, it doesn’t require monumental effort, it just requires a heart willing to take action.
We all have those moments, even the most compassionate and kind among us fall off the proverbial wagon and sink in the muck sometimes. I did not too long ago.
I took my son to get a haircut, it didn’t turn out the way we’d expected it to. In all honesty, it was an awful haircut and I wasn’t happy about it. Instead of being gracious though, I was gruff. I didn’t hide my aggravation and I made a point of letting the stylist know how I felt.
I knew before I was finished having my say I should have kept my mouth shut. I could see her feelings were hurt, but I had been clear in my instructions and felt justified. I could tell by the look in my sons eyes he did not agree. When we left he said, “You were a little hard on her.”
Of course I ranted for a minute about my justification. When we arrived home I’d had time to realize what an asshole I had been. I didn’t just hurt that young girls feelings, I’d set a terrible example for my son. I backed out of the driveway without saying a word and drove right back to the salon. When she saw me, she averted her eyes and hung her head. I never want to be looked at like that again.
I apologized. I smiled and said, “Next time, let’s leave a little more hair on his head.” and her entire demeanor changed. I felt good, she felt good, and my son was witness to something all children should see their parents do. Humbly admit a wrong and take steps to set things right.
Compassion is essential and though it may hurt sometimes, it is what makes us human. It’s what keeps our world from crumbling and our hearts from breaking. Compassion is something we have to practice.
I am talking about real life, every day compassion. The kind you have to have when the waitress is having a bad day. Compassion is realizing the checkout girl with a scowl on her face and what we only see as a bad attitude, may be masking some incredible pain. Compassion is the decision to smile and practice patience and kindness.
It’s about not judging the grumpy mom with the misbehaving kids at the grocery store. It’s about not being annoyed when the elderly woman at the checkout line pulls out a hundred coupons and a checkbook. It’s about smiling at an angry driver or taking the time to give the homeless something to eat or drink and feel happy about for a moment.
And it’s a little bit about having patience with your hair stylist . . .
Crystal R. Cook
The Qwiet Muse 
Just read similar thoughts at Erin’s blog. So true, isn’t it? Our children learn what they see us do and we need to remember that. Just this morning I wanted to kick myself because I was SO miserable and my daughter was right there watching me. Ugh. I apologized. I had to.
And I love the point about practicing – it’s the only way to really describe what we have to do. We aren’t born with it. We aren’t perfect and we aren’t always very good at it. So practice practice practice.
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I’m in a mood already today, so practicing is going to be paramount if i am to survive it 🙂 I’m being dramatic I suppose, I only woke up an hour ago 🙂 I honestly thing being compassionate and humble and saying sorry when we should is one of the greatest gifts and lessons we can give our children.
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I’m in a mood, too. Should we be cranky together and see if we can fix it? I’ve been kind of a beast.
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Cool – No biting though 🙂 Actually, I’m feeling a bit better already, sometimes a kind *voice* will have that effect on me. Aack. I just heard the house trolls stirring, troll #2, my bipolar troll, had an episode last night, so i am in recovery mode. I just heard him laughing at whatever he’s doing, so maybe . . .
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Yes, to everything you say here. I agree with every single word. Our children learn from our hearts, not our words.
I am so impressed that you went back to speak to the hairdresser and apologise. I’m not sure I would have had the courage. What a shimmering, shining example you are for your son. And even better – it just feels so much nicer to be compassionate than it does to be judgemental so it’s really a self-kindness that you did too. You are lovely, just lovely.
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Thank you sweet Yvonne . . . your kind words mean a lot to me. I must say, it wasn’t easy to go back that day, but i saw something in my sons eyes and knew I simply had to. It’s what I would have wanted him to do . . . Again, thank you for the kind words and just *everything* you’ve done . . .
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Great post and conclusion to your trio of compassion posts here.
🙂
Parents have so much responsibility on how their children grow into adults. I am sure that is a lot of pressure, as I am not a mother, but I am an aunt and I know I can play a part. I hope to show them what compassion is through my eyes.
I love how your son was the one to help you see the light in that situation. Children are wise, more often they are the parent/teacher instead of the child/student.
🙂
The reason I care so much about compassion and this 1000 Speak movement is that I want to spread these things and hope to pave the road for a better future for my niece, nephews, and the generations to come.
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Wonderful post. Thank you for sharing so openly. Not being afraid of saying sorry is one of the biggest things I hope to show my children. I hope I manage it.
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Thank you . . . I have a feeling you will because it’s already in your heart to do so 🙂
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Great post 🙂
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Thank you 🙂
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Just lovely, Crystal. There is such heart here and such truth.
With blessings,
Dani
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Incredible! I’ve been left speechless and needing to think of new ways of responding when my kids muck up. They were so disrespectful at Church family night last night that I was on the verge of not going back. Deep breaths!!!!! xx Rowen
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Deep breaths indeed! Sometimes, when they test our patience the most is when we have the opportunity to teach them some of the most valuable lessons they’ll need in life . . . the hard part is keeping our cool and remembering to breathe in the midst of it all 🙂
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I am doing some deep breathing right now working with my son to prepare for his guitar audition. Our local high school has a selective creative arts program and he will be auditioning but doesn’t seem to understand the need for practice or hard work. I guess who does when they’re a kid. More deep breathing required and trying to put myself in his shoes while trying to help him move forwards….a precarious balancing act!!
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Crystal – what an insightful piece. You really have captured the essence of compassion, and are teaching your son well.
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Thank you so much 🙂
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Crystal, you’re amazing. I do love your heart and soul and your compassion and your example, and that you’re prepared to be open about it and share it all here. Thank you ❤
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Thank you most sincerely . . . your kind words are always like a little hug when I read them 🙂
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That’s such a lovely thought 😀
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She has that effect on people.
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