I’m late to the party, but sharing anyhow . . .
Here we are again, I wasn’t sure I’d come today. I have too much to say and not enough words to say it all. Do you ever have one of those days, or weeks as in my case right now, where just about everything feels like a roller coaster ride of emotion? I’m certain your answer is a resounding yes, being a human and all.
I hate roller coasters.
I’m not certain why this week has been so laden with anxiety. Anxiety mixed with a sorrow I’ve no real reason to feel. Perhaps it’s the season. I love December. I look forward all year to the winter chill in the air, living in Southern California, it’s a treat for this Alaskan girl. I just can’t quite put my finger on what has gotten me so out of sorts. It might just be the season, the joys of it fill me and empty me at the same time.
Coffee and company should help.
The thing is, Christmas used to be filled with family festivities and children and laughter. Caroling and visits to Santa, secret lists folded in envelopes for his eyes only. It was always about the kids, the excitement bubbling up in their giggles and the anticipation in their little eyes.
My babies are grown ups now.
My family is far away.
I miss what used to be . . .
Oh, how I do love what is, though. My boys whispering to me about what gifts they will be surprising their brothers with, my daughters voice on the line telling me about her holiday plans. But it’s different, and this year it’s gotten to me.
There’s more to it though. The people I see out and about shopping, they don’t seem joyous. I’m probably just not seeing those who are. Maybe I need to look a little harder.
I’m not the best of company, am I? I’m not like Ebenezer, so that’s something. Truthfully, I feel a wee bit better now, maybe it’s the coffee, I’m certain it’s the company! I suppose I just needed to get that out of my system, holding in feelings is never a good thing. I’m going to try letting them go now, thanks in no small way to you, for listening and letting me release a little.
I appreciate it, the next cup is on me . . . ☕️️
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