Tag Archive | babies

Pixie Farts & Snot Bubbles – A Baby Fix

Pixie Farts & Snot Bubbles by Crystal Cook
I often hear veteran moms talking about needing a baby fix, it sounds kinda seedy and back alley, but it’s not, I promise. Sometimes we just get a little nostalgic for those long ago days when our children were brand new.

Personally, I don’t need them. I’m good. I will admit though, to every once in a while being lulled back in time when I see a newborn babe nestled in its mothers arms, or smiling sweetly and cooing from a carriage.

I guess you could say I got my baby fix, not that I was in need of one, at Walmart the other day. A chubby little cherub smiled up at me from his cute little monkey car seat, he let out an itty bitty sneeze, it sounded how I imagine a pixie fart would sound. His little face smushed up for another sneeze, but this time it was more like a full on pixie explosion.

A snot bubble starting forming out of his left nostril which quickly became the size of the little guys actual nose, then, he sneezed again and that oozing bubble made an audible pop as it burst. The busted bubble bits quickly began drying into cemented snotcicles on his cheek and part of his eyebrow like frost on a winter windowsill.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the only thing that spewed from his button nose, the rest of the vile fluid was being hungrily lapped up by his tiny pink tongue. I had to hold in my lunch and wait it out, or lose my place in line. Walmart was packed, I was not going anywhere. Just as the nausea began to quell, I smelled it. It was like . . . death. Death in a bayou garbage pit at the peak of summer.

He was still greedily eating his own boogers when his momma leaned over and kissed his snot frozen cheek and said, “Did you do a stinky? Did you? Did you?” He answered with a smile that grew almost as fast as the next snot bubble it came along with. She again nuzzled the now whitish-green, booger speckled cheek and asked him again if he did a stinky.

I just wanted to shout, YES, he did! Stop asking or he’ll blow another mucus balloon and I will definitely throw up, probably twice! But then I saw that little twinkle in his eyes, it may have been dried snot, but it reminded me of what a precious moment in time it was for both of them. Then I began to think about the gallons of bodily fluids I had smelled, wiped, and gagged at over the years.

I realized how thankful I was I survived it all, how grateful I was I no longer had to wonder what the weird taste was when I kissed my precious babes. I knew right then I had to run because the sound and smell which yanked me back to reality even made that poor mommy take a step back. I decided it wouldn’t kill me to wait in a new line, but the beautiful mess in front of me just might.

So, if I was to ever, ever, feel some longing for a new life to cradle, I would simply need to make a trip to Walmart, there is always a baby fix to be found there . . .

Crystal Cook ~ Veteran Mommy

On our way!

Shoebox poem . . . Ya know something? I kind of miss these days every now and then.

image

I was on my way
with children in tow
when all of a sudden
I heard something blow.

A diaper exploded,
and that big poopy mess
started making me gag
I hate to confess.

We were wiped up and powdered
and again on our way
when screams rang out,
“Oh, what now?” I begrudgingly say.

“He touched me again.”
was my sons reply
and his eyes welled up
for his crocodile cry.

“Get over it” I said,
“don’t touch him again.”
“I didn’t do it!”
“You know it was him!”

“That is enough!”
I commandingly yell,
we are gonna be late,
what on earth is that smell?

Oh no, not again,
how can this be,
why can’t this baby
ever just pee?

Again wiped and powdered
and now in the car,
I couldn’t believe
we’d gotten that far,

but where was my purse?
Wouldn’t ya know,
right on the table
will we ever just go?

Purse in hand
and kids all buckled,
I did it at last
I think with a chuckle,

“Okay troops,
we are ready to go!”
Hey . . . where are the keys?
Does anyone know?

Crystal R. Cook ~ circa sometime around ’98