I want to thank, and by thank I mean throttle, the geniuses behind the science that says second-hand flatulence is good for our health.
The men, it had to be men, behind this insidious study of smell should be flogged. I have no information regarding the validity of these claims or how accurate the reporting of them was, but the damage has been done.
When they invent charcoal bed sheets I’ll be first in line. I need softly spun cotton with odor absorbent fibers woven into a smooth, 600 thread count layer of protection so I can sleep without fear of awaking in the night to a fog of funk.
Was this brilliant breakthrough really something we needed to know? Will it be of benefit to mankind? Well, I suppose it already is, but what about womankind?
I am a fragile flower with a sensitive sniffer for goodness sake. I am the lone female in a house with four men, this does not bode well for me, it doesn’t smell all that great either.
At this rate, my heart will remain strong and I will be disease free for-fricking-ever. My mental well-being however, was already in question before this news . . . broke
Thank you science folk, thank you very, effing, much.