Tag Archive | #BeReal

#BeReal – I wish I hadn’t Done That


Hiding behind the lens

careful not to be seen

photographic memories

of everyone but me


It’s a terrible thing I’ve done

I can clearly see that now.

I didn’t think it mattered.

I didn’t think I was

hurting anyone.

I didn’t stop to think,

not in the moment,

not in all those


but now . . .

now I see

what I have done.


I removed myself

from memories

and nothing

can take their place.

Every picture

I cropped myself out of,

every photograph I erased,

where I should be,

there’s only empty space.




My smile wasn’t right,

one eye looked a little closed,

it was a terrible angle,

I looked awful in those clothes.


None of it even mattered.

They didn’t care

what I was wearing,

they didn’t care

if my hair was done,

they were busy

making memories,

busy having fun.

I see their smiles

in the pictures.


all of them

but one.


When memories

are all that is

left of me,

I hope they

can close their eyes

and see my face.

I hope they will

forgive me

for all the


I erased.


I’ve spent most of my life dodging cameras, bowing out of group photos, begging people to get rid of pictures I deemed unworthy to be seen, and now . . . I wish I hadn’t.

I didn’t think it mattered until one afternoon when my son was looking through some old pictures and reliving a few fond memories, he’d come across photos of a fantastically fun day we’d had and started talking about his recollections of the day, he spoke as though he were telling me all about something I’d missed.

“I know, I was there!” He looked shocked. “You were?”

It hit me. Hit me hard. I wasn’t in any of the pictures. He remembered the day because the photos reminded him, but I wasn’t in any of those photos, that part of the memory wasn’t recalled by the evidence of smiling faces in front of him. I felt shattered and guilty. I’d stolen bits and pieces of my son’s precious past by hiding from the camera.

I wish I hadn’t done that.

Not too long after that, I came across a box filled with pictures and mementos of my beautiful cousin who traveled to her place in Heaven much too soon. I sifted through the letters and postcards and pictures. Photographs of her smiling face playing with my boys, splashing in the ocean, sitting by a campfire . . . I didn’t realize I was crying until a tear splashed down next to a photo of her hugging my oldest son.

I wasn’t crying because she was gone, I was crying because she’d been here . . . with me. We’d played and laughed and hugged and had fun, but I haven’t any pictures to look back on that reflect that image of us together. I’d ducked out of every single frame.

I wish I hadn’t done that.

I met my husband shortly before my 16th birthday, we’ve made so many beautiful memories since then, but looking back through the albums of our youth, I’m absent. I cut myself out of those precious, paper pieces I’ve saved. There isn’t a single surviving picture of us from those teenage years together.

I wish I hadn’t done that.

I’ve cropped and cut and deleted myself from my own photographic history and there is nothing I can do to remedy that now, I really, truly wish I hadn’t done that.

I’m trying to make amends now. I’m trying to accept the reflection of me I see. I don’t want to be absent when my children look through our family photos someday. I want them to have pictures of me. I want them to have pictures of us. I don’t want them to wonder if I was there. I don’t want them to look back on our memories knowing I was too insecure to capture them on film.

I don’t want them to say, “I wish she hadn’t done that.”


#BeReal – Always


This one is difficult for me . . . I have what you might call a few ‘issues’, when it comes to the way I see myself. I’ve never been too concerned with how others see me, I doubt anyone could judge me as harshly as I do myself. In some ways, this makes me a complete hypocrite. It does. I think people are beautiful, I truly do. It breaks my heart when I hear someone criticizing themselves, and yet, I do it to myself all the time.

When I look into a mirror or see a photograph of myself, I see a distorted version of the me everyone else sees. It’s called Body Dysmorphia. I don’t like what I see. I’m trying especially hard these days to combat that nasty little voice inside my head that likes to turn mountains into mole hills, or in my case, a mole into a mountain.

Realistically, I know what I see is an illusion, but emotionally it’s as real as anything else. I suppose we all suffer from this to an extent, we can all pinpoint things about ourselves we might consider flaws, things others would likely never even notice unless we pointed them out. I’m trying not point mine out, especially to myself.

This week, a fellow blogger, HastyWords, (beautiful both inside and out) issued a challenge in response to a challenge and it resonated with me, scared the crapolla out of me too because it involved sharing photos of yourself. Cue anxiety. I could have ignored it, but that would be giving in to the stinkin’ thinkin’ that keeps me in hiding.

The Facebook post that started it all –

“The ‪#‎dontjudgeme‬ challenge makes zero sense to me. The before or after have nothing to do with anything real.

So I think the point is… You try to make yourself as undesirable as possible so you can shock us with your best possible self?

I mean it’s harmless right? But really it’s just another way society is focusing on the wrong things. How about just don’t judge me period.”

You can visit her blog, here, to read more . . .

And on The SisterWivesread Lizzi’s post, In a world so quick to judge, just #BeReal.

So – I am sucking it up and getting real. Too real if ya ask me . . .

Obviously - Not a fan of mornings!

Obviously – Not a fan of mornings!

In this world of filters and Photoshop, true beauty has been replaced by an unrealistic ideal of what makes a person beautiful and it’s harmful . . . it’s just not real. The women we see on magazine covers have been airbrushed all over, thinned here, and elongated there. Their hair isn’t that thick, their skin isn’t that smooth, their teeth aren’t that white, and their bodies aren’t that toned. It’s not real. 

Ready to #BeReal and show the world what beautiful really is? Share your real you, your everyday you, time to shine lovelies, shine.