Tag Archive | times have changed

I Survived My Youth Despite What We Didn’t Know

I was a kid in the 70s, a teenager in the 80s, a wife and mom in the 90s. . . same job description here in the 2000s. Despite being a seventies kid, I made it. Looking back on things, I’m surprised how many of us did.

I remember having a freedom today’s children, most of them, will never know. If we’d had the internet back then, we might not have been allowed to run out the door in the mornings to play and climb trees, build forts and ride bikes until the street lamps began to light the darkening sky.

I don’t think there were less dangers back then, we were just blissfully unaware of so many of them. We’ve learned a lot since then. I image the adults who grew up in the 40s, 50s, and 60s felt the same way about the changes they saw. I wonder what we’ll know and do differently in another 30 years.

It’s been a while, but I do have memories of my childhood, thank God I survived it!

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I crashed and burned on every one of these things, as well as a few shopping carts, toboggans, and pogo sticks. I had cuts and scrapes and road burns. My mom pulled gravel out of my knees and elbows, butterfly bandaged slices and slashes, and sent me right back out to play.

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I rode on my grandfathers lap as he drove to the corner store for cigarettes and candy, I ate the candy and he smoked on the drive home. Seat belts? How would I crawl over the seats or sit up on  my knees to see better? I rode in the back of my aunt’s station wagon and made faces at the people behind us. That flimsy metal contraption holding the precious baby girl? State of the art child protection right there.

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When my kids were little, I put Mr. Yuck stickers on everything, do they still have those? I loved the taste of Dimetapp when I was a kid. I often snuck it out of the medicine cupboard and helped myself; mind you, that was before they safened up the formula. And Flintstones. They looked like candy, they tasted like candy, and I ate them like candy. Not good. They were always iron fortified. And mercury, so pretty. I accidentally broke a few thermometers to get at that silvery metallic magic.

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If I was thirsty, I drank from the garden hose, a no-no nowadays. I don’t even drink out of my kitchen tap now. We had amalgam fillings and I lost my fair share of blood on pop can tabs. For some reason, we would often peel them back and plop them into the fizzing cola, thankfully, I never swallowed one. I don’t see how I could have, but I’ve heard stories.

And last but not least, for this particular peek back in my timeline, the television knob was lost or broken, and it always seemed to be, we used a pair of locking pliers, attached them to the metal post and spun them round to change the channel. Luckily, there where just a few to choose from.

Now it’s almost 2017, a date I would have thought a million years away when I was a wee little sassy lassy, and I must come back to the present, I have grown-up things to do, like go to bed early because I can . . .

 

We’ve Come a Long Way Baby – at least I think we have.

 

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Truth in advertising . . . has there ever been such a thing? I’d like to think we can trust the products and services we spend our hard earned cash on to be and do what we’ve been suckered into believing they are and will.

I’d like to think that, but I most often don’t.

I’m a little on the skeptical side until I try something for myself. The only advertisements I truly believe are those pharmaceutical commercials, the ones touting the benefits of this new medication or that. I can’t be sure the little pills they’re peddling do all they say they will, but I’m fairly certain they are being honest and upfront when they detail the possible side effects. Why lie about anal leakage?

I wonder what future generations will think about the products we advertise today and how we advertise them. I have a few thoughts on the odd, sometimes creepy, sometimes dangerous, adverts from yesteryear. Times and people and products sure have changed . . . right?

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Every woman wants to look better and feel better in the year ahead. Slenderness is the way to health beauty, and fitness. A couple of grammes of amphetamine sulphate taken daily enables you ‘to slim while you do housework’ – surely and safely. The magic powder does more than disperse unwanted fat it purifies and enriches the blood, it tones up the entire system and makes you feel better in health in every way. It even gives you the energy to carry on working throughout the night.

So start taking amphetamines today and make sure of looking and feeling your best in 1940.

Wowza! I can lose weight while I do housework! I could use me a little of this, especially since I enjoy cleaning all day AND all through the night! Hmm . . . I wonder if there’s any pesky side effects? No matter, it’ll tone my system! 

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His home treatment, which cures the patient in the privacy of their own home without the knowledge of anyone, is creating a profound sensation because it is curing the hopeless and those pronounced incurable. For all disease of the mid-quarter, from neck to knee.

Through the magic power of fine, gentle massage – no need for anyone to know. Dr Swift found a way to get ladies to let him feel them up AND pay him for it . . . a profound sensation indeed. 

img_0162So, I cinch myself up in this torturous undergarment and it’s going to make me look better, breath better . . . be better. I am a delicate woman, after all. But how will I know it’s working if there is no sensation whatever when I’m wearing it? Is this legit? Is it really electric? Oh well, I need to be invigorated, here’s my money. 

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What? This is just what I need! I’m suffering,  I have weakness and hysteria, thank goodness for electrification! I’m going to call my Medical Electrician today! Medical Electrician? I wonder if he could take a look at my toaster . . .

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I wasted my charms for years until I splurged and bought the fancy pit juice. 

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Can’t get your kids to take vitamins? Give ’em these healthy donuts instead. By pep and vigor, do you mean sugar high?

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Oh boy . . . Your child is healthy and hearty thanks to vitamin donuts, but now she’s chubby, but don’t fret! Buy Chubbettes! Nothing raises a young girls self esteem more than wearing clothing with the Chubbette label. You want her to fit in, right? You’ll even get this handy booklet, FREE, “Pounds and Personality” to help your chubby angel find happiness. 

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Fact. You can give this sparkling drink to BABIES. So sugar up and carbonate your little one, it’s good for them! Just look at the label!

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This precious 11 month old consumer enjoys his healthy 7-Up, and thanks to this handy tip from the makers of 7-Up, now I know how to get my baby to drink his milk, I just gently add equal parts 7-Up and milk. Perfect. Thank you 7-Up!

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If your child looks at her food like this, you may have given her too many Vitamin Donuts and 7-Up. You may also need the number for good child psychiatrist.

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Arsenic, the safe way to improve your skin.

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Use good deodorant or you’re dumb. Everyone knows B.O. inhibits intelligence. Duh.

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Because nothing says sexy like a prepubescent girl with a teddy bear. Omigosh, was a pedophile running this add campaign?

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I know I always look frickin’ adorable after a hard day of scrubbing and cleaning, but just to be sure, I never forget my PEP vitamins! I wonder if there are amphetamines in these?

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Use Lysol on your lady-bits or your husband will leave you, like a douche. Don’t worry, it’s non-caustic. Great for your floors as well! 

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Is it though? Is that really why they’re happy?

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Hair rental, sounds like a good deal. I mean, it comes with comprehensive repair service so there’s no costly repair bills, and you get free replacement if anything goes wrong. 

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I found some Penicillin in the pantry the other day.

img_0161Oh, so many wonderful choices . . . I just don’t know which one to choose. It says if I cry a little, I’ll get what I want. Maybe if I cry a whole lot, I’ll get two! 

Crazy. That little journey back to yesteryear a little weird. Times have definitely changed!