Truth in advertising . . . has there ever been such a thing? I’d like to think we can trust the products and services we spend our hard earned cash on to be and do what we’ve been suckered into believing they are and will.

I’d like to think that, but I most often don’t.

I’m a little on the skeptical side until I try something for myself. The only advertisements I truly believe are those pharmaceutical commercials, the ones touting the benefits of this new medication or that. I can’t be sure the little pills they’re peddling do all they say they will, but I’m fairly certain they are being honest and upfront when they detail the possible side effects. Why lie about anal leakage?

I wonder what future generations will think about the products we advertise today and how we advertise them. I have a few thoughts on the odd, sometimes creepy, sometimes dangerous, adverts from yesteryear. Times and people and products sure have changed . . . right?

Every woman wants to look better and feel better in the year ahead. Slenderness is the way to health beauty, and fitness. A couple of grammes of amphetamine sulphate taken daily enables you ‘to slim while you do housework’ – surely and safely. The magic powder does more than disperse unwanted fat it purifies and enriches the blood, it tones up the entire system and makes you feel better in health in every way. It even gives you the energy to carry on working throughout the night.

So start taking amphetamines today and make sure of looking and feeling your best in 1940.

Wowza! I can lose weight while I do housework! I could use me a little of this, especially since I enjoy cleaning all day AND all through the night! Hmm . . . I wonder if there’s any pesky side effects? No matter, it’ll tone my system! 

His home treatment, which cures the patient in the privacy of their own home without the knowledge of anyone, is creating a profound sensation because it is curing the hopeless and those pronounced incurable. For all disease of the mid-quarter, from neck to knee.

Through the magic power of fine, gentle massage – no need for anyone to know. Dr Swift found a way to get ladies to let him feel them up AND pay him for it . . . a profound sensation indeed. 

So, I cinch myself up in this torturous undergarment and it’s going to make me look better, breath better . . . be better. I am a delicate woman, after all. But how will I know it’s working if there is no sensation whatever when I’m wearing it? Is this legit? Is it really electric? Oh well, I need to be invigorated, here’s my money. 

What? This is just what I need! I’m suffering,  I have weakness and hysteria, thank goodness for electrification! I’m going to call my Medical Electrician today! Medical Electrician? I wonder if he could take a look at my toaster . . .

I wasted my charms for years until I splurged and bought the fancy pit juice. 

Can’t get your kids to take vitamins? Give ’em these healthy donuts instead. By pep and vigor, do you mean sugar high?

Oh boy . . . Your child is healthy and hearty thanks to vitamin donuts, but now she’s chubby, but don’t fret! Buy Chubbettes! Nothing raises a young girls self esteem more than wearing clothing with the Chubbette label. You want her to fit in, right? You’ll even get this handy booklet, FREE, “Pounds and Personality” to help your chubby angel find happiness. 

Fact. You can give this sparkling drink to BABIES. So sugar up and carbonate your little one, it’s good for them! Just look at the label!

This precious 11 month old consumer enjoys his healthy 7-Up, and thanks to this handy tip from the makers of 7-Up, now I know how to get my baby to drink his milk, I just gently add equal parts 7-Up and milk. Perfect. Thank you 7-Up!

If your child looks at her food like this, you may have given her too many Vitamin Donuts and 7-Up. You may also need the number for good child psychiatrist.

Arsenic, the safe way to improve your skin.

Use good deodorant or you’re dumb. Everyone knows B.O. inhibits intelligence. Duh.

Because nothing says sexy like a prepubescent girl with a teddy bear. Omigosh, was a pedophile running this add campaign?

I know I always look frickin’ adorable after a hard day of scrubbing and cleaning, but just to be sure, I never forget my PEP vitamins! I wonder if there are amphetamines in these?

Use Lysol on your lady-bits or your husband will leave you, like a douche. Don’t worry, it’s non-caustic. Great for your floors as well! 

Is it though? Is that really why they’re happy?

Hair rental, sounds like a good deal. I mean, it comes with comprehensive repair service so there’s no costly repair bills, and you get free replacement if anything goes wrong. 

I found some Penicillin in the pantry the other day.

Oh, so many wonderful choices . . . I just don’t know which one to choose. It says if I cry a little, I’ll get what I want. Maybe if I cry a whole lot, I’ll get two! 

Crazy. That little journey back to yesteryear a little weird. Times have definitely changed!