The Gobbler Gazette – Thanksgiving Edition

Gobbler Gazette

 

Tomorrow is T-Day by Clancy Doo

As we all know, tomorrow is the one day of the year we in the turkey community fear the most. Tensions have been high on farms throughout the county, fewer riots have been reported than at this time last year, thanks in part to the growing popularity of vegetarian cuisine.

The Turkey Rights movement has garnished garnered much attention in recent years and we are seeing more acceptance and respect than ever before, but we still have a long way to go until all turkeys can roam free without fear of being stuffed.

Big thanks to the Johnson Farm who will be feasting on Tofu Turkey this year, and it has been reported the Smith Ranch will be be crafting and dining on homeade soy turkey sculptures.

Many thanks to those who participated in the Save Our Necks rally last weekend, it was a huge success. Proceeds will go the families of this years victims. We will be holding a candlelight vigil Thanksgiving night for all who wish to attend.

Keep your spirits high and your heads low, one day we will be free.

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Five Tips That Could Save Your Neck by Clara Doodle

  1. Don’t panic. If you are caught in a mass of fleeing feathers, you risk injury and become easy pickins.

  2. Feign illness. It may sound cheesy, but it worked for Percy Perch last year. No one wants a foul fowl on their table.

  3. Hide. No one will judge.

  4. Suck it in. In their ravenous greed they always go for the fat ones.

  5. Attack back. This is only to be attempted as a last ditch effort if you are caught. If you peck hard enough, you could be dropped, giving you a chance at escape. For those on farms who prefer firearms, please see above.

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On a sad note, Elsa Peck passed on early this week, she appeared to have starved to death in an effort to lose weight before the holidays. We can at least be thankful she went peacefully.

Please join us in the East corner of the coop this evening at 5 pm 

for a memorial and prayer gathering.

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Grief counseling will be provided at no cost, councilors will be standing by until after the New Year, and as always, the support group will continue to meet at its regular time. Next week we will have a guest speaker, the topic will be survivors guilt.

Crystal R. Cook

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