I have a decision to make, it’s not a life altering one, but my choice will effect my family. I’ve been weighing the pros and cons of each option, and the weight of this burden is suffocating. It shouldn’t be this difficult.

Both are things I must do, both have value. Why is it so hard to choose?

I know choosing one over the other will have repercussions, consequences I will have to face and I’m prepared to face them, but it’s like grasping hold of a double edged sword, praying I can balance its weight without injury.

Do I do what is best for my family or do I do what is best for me? An unanswerable question because when I do what is best for me, I am better equipped emotionally and mentally to care for my family, and when I do what is best for them, it fills me with a sense of fulfillment which in turn leaves me emotionally and mentally satisfied.

I know what I should do. I know what I want to do, but I want to do what I should do almost as much as I should do what I want to. The very fact that this makes perfect sense to me makes me wonder if I am overthinking this whole thing.

I could push myself and attempt both, but if I do, I fear I may not be capable of giving the time and attention required to do either to the best of my ability and my efforts will be in vain.

I don’t know what to do.

On one hand, the house really needs to be cleaned up, on the other hand, I just want to lock myself away and write.

Maybe I’ll just read a book today instead.