So I woke up today. Obviously you did too, so that’s something.
I’ve had a rough couple of days. I spent some time in the pity pot trying to hide from anxiety, stewing over things that were bothering me; things that were pissing me off. The usual – health, society, not knowing how to do crap on my computer, people, stuff I haven’t done that needs to get done. It’s a random and lengthy list I won’t bore you with.
I went to bed last night praying I would wake in the morning with a new perspective. I tried to fall asleep giving myself a pep talk, cheering myself onward to a better tomorrow – complete with an imaginary cheer-leading squad with pom-poms and ponytails.
Gimme an H
Gimme an A
Gimme a P-P-Y
What’s that spell?
You can do it!
Yes you can!
If you can’t do it
no one can!
I annoyed myself and took a sleeping pill. I had nightmares about murdering cheerleaders, but I slept surprisingly well, I’m not sure what that says about me. Maybe I do need a therapist. Anyway, I woke up and tried to replace my residual stinkin’ thinkin’ with some positive affirmations – hip-hip-hooray and sis-boom
My first thought was, “It’s a brand new day.”
My second thought was, “No shit Sherlock, every day is a brand new day.”
To which my first thought responded, “Here we go again, why can’t you just think positive? Let’s walk on some sunshine and think happy thoughts!”
Second thought then told first thought to piss off.
I’m trying to ignore this internal dialogue and find some neutral ground until one of them claims victory. Until that happens, I’m just going to get out of bed, drink copious amounts of coffee and make lists (I will lose) of all the things I need to accomplish. Or maybe I’ll watch Netflix.