I Must Decide, but How?

Nov28

I have a decision to make, it’s not a life altering one, but my choice will effect my family. I’ve been weighing the pros and cons of each option, and the weight of this burden is suffocating. It shouldn’t be this difficult.

Both are things I must do, both have value. Why is it so hard to choose?

I know choosing one over the other will have repercussions, consequences I will have to face and I’m prepared to face them, but it’s like grasping hold of a double edged sword, praying I can balance its weight without injury.

Do I do what is best for my family or do I do what is best for me? An unanswerable question because when I do what is best for me, I am better equipped emotionally and mentally to care for my family, and when I do what is best for them, it fills me with a sense of fulfillment which in turn leaves me emotionally and mentally satisfied.

I know what I should do. I know what I want to do, but I want to do what I should do almost as much as I should do what I want to. The very fact that this makes perfect sense to me makes me wonder if I am overthinking this whole thing.

I could push myself and attempt both, but if I do, I fear I may not be capable of giving the time and attention required to do either to the best of my ability and my efforts will be in vain.

I don’t know what to do.

On one hand, the house really needs to be cleaned up, on the other hand, I just want to lock myself away and write.

Maybe I’ll just read a book today instead.

It’s not an emotion, it’s a choice.

Nov26

Anger. It’s nothing more than a byproduct of actual emotion, usually an emotion having not much to do with whatever your ire is focused on at any given time.

Anger is a choice. Regardless of what happens to trigger it, it is indeed a choice. How we react to a situation is always a choice. I’m not saying anger is all bad, sometimes it might even be the only choice we can make, but if we’re honest with ourselves – it usually isn’t.

As soon as we give in to it, we relinquish control. We take our power to choose, our power, and we practically gift wrap it for whoever or whatever got our panties in such a bunch. I don’t know about you, but I kind of like keeping that kind of power for myself.

That being said, I’m human. You’re human. We get pissy. We have frustrations, fears, anxieties, and all sorts of emotions that build up within us, and too often, we either don’t know how to deal with them or we try to ignore them; before we know it, BOOM – they escape, disguised as anger.

I hate when that happens. The trick is to try dealing with our true emotions, before they become something we don’t want them to be. Like I said, we’re human and when we do lose it, we have to make a concentrated effort to take control before that anger strips us of choice.

Never give your POWER away. Don’t allow yourself to be controlled by anger . . .

#weekendcoffeeshare – If we were having coffee . . .

Nov26

If we were having coffee, I would be the one with the biggest cup.

Okay, maybe not, but a girl can dream . . .

If we really were having coffee, I would be grateful for the company. I usually sip my coffee in the company of the sunbeams coming through my window and the silence filling my room. I suppose sharing my morning with a friend or two would be nice every now and again.

If you asked me how my week was, my answer would likely be short, it takes me a spell to warm up to the engagement part of conversation. I would ask you about yours and listen while you told me. I really would, listen I mean. I know a lot of folks don’t to that. They look like they are, but I’m fairly certain they would fail a pop quiz regarding all you’d just said.

Maybe that’s why I don’t always talk much, I want to save what matters to me for someone who wants to hear it. I admit, sometimes my thoughts wander a bit when someone is talking to me, it’s not intentional. Usually it’s because what they are saying is superficial or tailored to what they think I want to hear. I want the real deal, you know what I mean?

So, if we were having coffee, I’d probably be on my second cup and starting to open up a bit more. The talk would certainly be centered on Thanksgiving and shopping. I would admit to staying in my pajamas all Thanksgiving day, peeking in every once in a while on my husband in the kitchen. He does the holiday cooking around here.

There was ham, a turkey breast, (we opted not to get the big bird), mashed potatoes, deviled eggs, candied yams, stuffing, and bread rolls. Not too much, not too little. Just enough for us and the three man-children still at home. You might hear a touch of sadness in my voice. I miss my daughter. I miss the large family I grew up feasting with.

I’d change the subject if no one else had. I’d tell you I went out for dog food on Black Friday. Walmart was relatively calm, the morning madness just a memory. Of course I went to Starbucks, found a ginormous coffee cup for $49.95, snapped a photo and carefully placed it back on the shelf. The day was pretty much like any other day, except what people I did encounter were ruder, which is hard to believe, especially since the day before they were in celebration mode of all they had to be thankful for.

People are weird and somewhat confusing to me. That might be why I’m having virtual coffee with whoever happens to be reading this, and if you are, I’m glad we spent a little time together . . .

The Weekend Coffee Share is brought to you by Part Time Monster, pull up a chair, grab a cup – link up with the weekly Coffee Share and relax, meet some new friends and catch up with folks you know . . .

Meet and Greet: 11/26/16

Nov26

—> Dream Big, Dream Often <— is hosting a meet & greet! You should totally c’mon over and check it out, find some new friends, read some great things . . . Network, share, mingle – bloggy style!

It’s the Meet and Greet weekend everyone!! Ok so here are the rules: Leave a link to your page or post in the comments of this post. Reblog this post. It helps you, it helps me, it helps…

Source: Meet and Greet: 11/26/16

Found My New Coffee Cup

Nov25

I dunno . . . Do you think it’s too big? Nah, I could totally handle it. I may have to cut back to one cup a day though.

One giant Starbucks coffee cup, $49.95

Making my husband’s eyes roll back into his head, priceless.

(I didn’t really buy it)

My Favorite Fun New App – WordPallette

Nov25

I love words. I hope that much about me is obvious. I love to learn new words. I love to play Scrabble, I love to complete word searches – pretty much anything that has to do with words, I love it. Except crosswords, I hate some of those ridiculously abstruse clues, and though I adore most all other wordy things, I’ve never tried magnetic poetry. Mostly because the idea of standing in front of the fridge peeling off and moving around magnets just doesn’t sound all that appealing to me, but the concept does.

Anyway, I was getting ready to do some laundry the other day, so naturally, I started browsing through the app store on my iPad. I’m always looking for fun, free writing apps to play around with. I noticed WordPalette right away. It looked pretty cool, loved the color scheme, and it was free. So I made it mine.

I have to say, I’m a little bit in love with it. Since I’ve never actually purchased a magnetic poetry kit I can only assume this is somewhat similar in that you have words to choose from and you create something wonderful with them.

The bottom rows of words can be swiped left and right, you just click and it appears at the top of the screen. You can switch to the keyboard if you want to make any changes, From the word choice screen, you can delete and add commas and periods. I started clicking away at words and in just a few minutes I had something that was actually kind of cool.

Once I clicked on that first word, I just kept clicking whatever seemed to fit with it. Switched to the keyboard, capitalized what needed to be capitalized (it doesn’t do that automatically after a period) and tweaked a couple of words, like changing consumed to consuming.

Seems to me this could be a great way to get the creative juices flowing, beat a bout of writer’s block, or just write something you would likely never think to write on your own. I added a screen shot of my first few minutes playing with WordPalette.

If you have it, or get it, which I totally recommend (I’m not getting anything for saying so), I’d love to read what becomes of your words!

Find the Good, Even on the Bad Days

Nov25

There is something good in every day, sometimes we have to actively seek it out and sometimes we simply need to open our eyes. A little thing as simple as a flower in bloom, a smile from a stranger, or your favorite song on the radio . . . There is always something good.

A bad day

is just a bad day,

it comes to an end

just like any other.

We can turn some of those bad days into good, simply by looking at things from a different perspective. By making an effort, a conscious choice to not to let our circumstances control the way we feel and respond to things around us, especially things we cannot control.

Frustration, anger, disappointment . . . feel them, but don’t embrace them. Don’t wear them like a heavy cloak weighing you down with every step you try to take. Shake it off, shrug it off, let it go, and do something different. Find the good you can and carry it in your heart.

There really is GOOD in every day.

Yes, YOU!

Nov24

Because you make me laugh, you make me think and smile and be a better me. You comfort me when I’m down, you lift me up and dry my tears. You celebrate my achievements, share my joys and all my triumphs.

You’ve given me a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, and been my rock in sinking sand. You’ve never judged, you accept me for who I am. You make me brave and make me bold, you let me fall apart and help put me back together again.

You listen when I speak, you let me know you’re always there. You know my weaknesses and give me strength, you’re never jealous, never careless with my heart. You believe in me and help me to do the same. You walk beside me, you catch me when I fall.

You show me kindness, you show respect. You don’t pretend to be anyone else but you and I thank you, with all that’s in my heart . . . I thank you for being my friend.

Celebrating with 110 Thankful Things

Nov24

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Sometimes at the end of a long week it’s easy to forget the moments that touched our hearts in the midst of all the hustle and bustle, taking the time to sit down and think about them has left me with a grateful heart. Stopping to read what others have taken the time to share has also been a lovely reminder of the things in my life I’m thankful for.

Often it’s the big stuff I think about – family and love and all the good and wonderful things I’ve been blessed with, and sometimes it’s the smaller things, like the gentleman that held the door for me at the gas station or the blue jays that sometimes stop to visit me in the yard. This week my list is filled with the big things as well as a bunch of the little things.

I posted this sometime last year, originally written for Ten Thankful Things.

Since today is going to be filled with Thanksgiving activities,

I figured I’d share it again. I don’t think I could ever list all the things I’m so very thankful for,

but I managed to jot down a few to share with you . . .

BrotherWord-Thankful-Thursdays1

1. Faith – God is the cornerstone of my life. He is the floor beneath me, the roof above me, and the walls that surround me. He is my shelter from the storm. Faith keeps me going when I am sure I can go no further. It is the promise and the hope I cling to when I feel I am falling. It is my light in the dark places, it is my anchor when I am adrift, and the wind in my sails when I haven’t strength enough to row. Faith is the hand that steadies me when I falter, it is my compass when I am lost. It is the voice that tells me I can when I think I cannot. Faith is the foundation on which I stand when my solid ground turns to quickly shifting sands beneath me.

2. Family – The ones who’ve surrounded me with love since the day I was born. The ones that have cradled me in love and acceptance and unconditional love throughout my life. The ones who still do and the ones who continue to fill a place in my heart even though they’ve parted from this life. I see their smiles when I close my eyes, I hear their voices in silent moments, and I feel the love they’ve given me, always. My Grandparents, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews will always be a part of me.

3. My Mother – My teacher, my protector, my inspiration, my mentor, my friend. She carried me within her and then held me in her arms, she took me by the hand and by the heart and led me into life. Sometimes I followed her, sometimes she let me lead. She sacrificed and she gave, she sheltered and she pushed. She gave me wings and she taught me to fly. She has been my hero, my guardian, and my guide. She’s picked me up when I’ve fallen and she’s found me when I’ve been lost. She is everything I could ever hope to be.

4. My Father, My dad – My father planted the seed of life, my life. The twists and turns life’s journey sometimes takes placed us on different roads and he loved me enough to travel another until the day came when our paths would meet again and we would walk together as he’d one day dreamed we would. Now we know the way to where the other resides. My dad was not the man who planted the seed, but he lovingly tended to the garden in which I grew. He tilled and toiled in the soil as he watched me bloom and blossom. He nourished the ground beneath me, he made certain my roots were planted firmly. Those twists and turns led him away one day, but the care he took when he had it to give left me strong enough to continue to grow in his absence.

5. My Husband – My first love, my forever love. I wasn’t going to fall in love. Ever. I decided it when I was just a little girl, and then, when I was still a little girl in many ways – I fell in love with him. They said at 16 love is something you don’t fall into, but I did. He changed me and he changes me still. Something in his eyes told me love doesn’t always hurt, it doesn’t always end in pain and it wasn’t something I should deny myself. Even when I thought ours wasn’t going to be a story with a happy ending, I was still glad to have been a part of it, and as the pages continued to turn, the story kept unfolding and it has yet to end.

6. My Children – They are the reason every breath I take has meaning. They are my sun and my moon and every beat of my heart. They each came into my life, little pieces of love and completed something in me, they filled voids I didn’t know were hollow. I thought I knew the true meaning of love and then they looked into my eyes and I realized love was so much more than I’d ever known it to be. My life began the day theirs did, a new beginning with each tiny heart that began to beat. Never has there been a more beautiful sound. I used to hold their little hands in mine, and now they hold my hand in theirs and each of them carry a piece of my heart wherever they go.

7. Friends – I’ve been blessed by friendship. Somehow, through some miracle of love, I’ve chose and been chosen back by the best of the best and I’ve not words enough to describe the joys they have given me. I don’t surround myself with them, yet they surround me always. I’ve known some for nearly a lifetime, some for what seems like the blink of an eye, and yet, in my heart – they all reside. I’m so very different from most of them and they are each different from the others, but we have a connection that bridges those differences and leads us to a beautiful place. I don’t know if I am a good friend, I hope I am. I sometimes go for long spells without reaching out, I don’t chat on the phone for hours or hang out, but I’m there if they need me and I know they are there when I need them. Some of us have held hands, we’ve shared hugs and tears and laughter. Some of us appear to each other as letter after letter beneath the blinking cursor on a screen or visit each other through inboxes and emails, but I can feel the hugs we sometimes share just the same.

8. Words – I reside in a world of words, the characters that come together to form them, creating sentences and paragraphs; chapters and verses. Words are my safe place, my way of reaching out to the world beyond me and the one within me. Words come into my soul, they release or they capture what resides there. Words written on a page transform me, they become a part of me, they bring me solace and comfort and healing. When I read them I’m transported to the magical place where they were born and when I write them, they become my own magical place. Without words I would wither on the proverbial vine, without voice, without escape. I find sanctuary within them, they offer me respite when I am weary and they provide company when I am alone. Words have been my constant and faithful companions in life, words have never failed me.

9. Books – My first friends in life. Stories real and imagined. Histories, heroines, and heroes. Underdogs, villains, and victors. I’ve been to far off places, made up lands, and real life destinations though I’ve never travelled far. I’ve had adventures, I’ve been on quests and crusades, I’ve loved and I’ve lost and I’ve taken fantastical journeys and come home again. I’ve battled monsters and I’ve been where angels have tread. I have read my way into the future and traveled into the past. I’ve soared above the clouds and I’ve explored the depths of the earth. I’ve seen more than I ever knew there was to see. I became a part of every story I’ve ever read and there are still worlds and words out there, waiting for me.

10. Technology – It seems an odd way to end my list of thankful things, but without it, I wouldn’t have some of the friends I have today. I wouldn’t know some of the things I know. I couldn’t have done some of the things I have done, so it is certainly among the things I am so very thankful for. The world I grew up in was quite different from the one we now live in. In some ways I miss the days before computers connected us, and in other ways, I cannot imagine life without them. Vast amounts of knowledge are just a few keystrokes from me at any time, friends and family can be reached with the touch of a button. Books and music are just a mouse-click away. But still, the excitement of receiving a letter in the mail or the anticipation of who’s on the other end of the line when the phone rings are things I sometimes miss. I often tell myself I’ll take the time to sit and write to someone the old-fashioned way, but I don’t do it often enough. I love the sound of a pen gliding across a piece of paper and the smell of ink before it dries. I still prefer the feeling of paper pages and revel in the sound they make when I turn from one to the next as I read. I do love this little world I have found behind the computer screen though . . .

100 Random Things I’m Thankful For

today-im-thankful-for

coffee
things that smell like coconut
the sound of my dog’s nails clicking down the hallway
the sound the wind makes
raindrops
rainbows
fresh sheets
hearing from an old friend
naps
smiles from strangers
nights that turn into mornings
days that turn into nights
paydays
crisp apples
ripe avocados
remembering something
finding something I thought was lost
Pinterest
dictionary.com
the thesaurus
moments of silence
getting a great idea
learning something new
sweet tea
earplugs
bottled water
new books
old books
blogs
Facebook
friends
memories
silver change
cake
insulin
fluffy clouds
candles
DVRs
Nutella
good hair days
starting something new
finishing something
comfortable shoes
shirts without tags
empty journals
filled journals
gel pens
unbroken fingernails
ceiling fans
digital cameras
ladybugs
butterflies
sale prices
art
epiphanies
moments of serendipity
music
snuggly blankets
blooming flowers
Wifi
funny jokes
cell phones
body pillows
cotton t-shirts
stretchy jeans
waterfalls
blessings in disguise
old photo albums
comfortable chairs
memory foam mattresses
freedom
people who write books
self adhesive stamps
bookmarks
squishy stress balls
bookstores
piggy banks
comfy bras
gift bags
dreams that come true
window shades
crackling campfires
reusable grocery bags
nice people
banana walnut muffins
home
floss toothpicks
sharp scissors
comfortable pajamas
junk drawers
flash drives
empty roads
sticky notes
bookshelves
cream cheese frosting
closet space
good lighting
Olive Garden breadsticks
reading glasses
thousands of other things

I Survived My Youth Despite What We Didn’t Know

Nov23

I was a kid in the 70s, a teenager in the 80s, a wife and mom in the 90s. . . same job description here in the 2000s. Despite being a seventies kid, I made it. Looking back on things, I’m surprised how many of us did.

I remember having a freedom today’s children, most of them, will never know. If we’d had the internet back then, we might not have been allowed to run out the door in the mornings to play and climb trees, build forts and ride bikes until the street lamps began to light the darkening sky.

I don’t think there were less dangers back then, we were just blissfully unaware of so many of them. We’ve learned a lot since then. I image the adults who grew up in the 40s, 50s, and 60s felt the same way about the changes they saw. I wonder what we’ll know and do differently in another 30 years.

It’s been a while, but I do have memories of my childhood, thank God I survived it!

I crashed and burned on every one of these things, as well as a few shopping carts, toboggans, and pogo sticks. I had cuts and scrapes and road burns. My mom pulled gravel out of my knees and elbows, butterfly bandaged slices and slashes, and sent me right back out to play.

I rode on my grandfathers lap as he drove to the corner store for cigarettes and candy, I ate the candy and he smoked on the drive home. Seat belts? How would I crawl over the seats or sit up on my knees to see better? I rode in the back of my aunt’s station wagon and made faces at the people behind us. That flimsy metal contraption holding the precious baby girl? State of the art child protection right there.

When my kids were little, I put Mr. Yuck stickers on everything, do they still have those? I loved the taste of Dimetapp when I was a kid. I often snuck it out of the medicine cupboard and helped myself; mind you, that was before they safened up the formula. And Flintstones. They looked like candy, they tasted like candy, and I ate them like candy. Not good. They were always iron fortified. And mercury, so pretty. I accidentally broke a few thermometers to get at that silvery metallic magic.

If I was thirsty, I drank from the garden hose, a no-no nowadays. I don’t even drink out of my kitchen tap now. We had amalgam fillings and I lost my fair share of blood on pop can tabs. For some reason, we would often peel them back and plop them into the fizzing cola, thankfully, I never swallowed one. I don’t see how I could have, but I’ve heard stories.

And last but not least, for this particular peek back in my timeline, the television knob was lost or broken, and it always seemed to be, we used a pair of locking pliers, attached them to the metal post and spun them round to change the channel. Luckily, there where just a few to choose from.

Now it’s almost 2017, a date I would have thought a million years away when I was a wee little sassy lassy, and I must come back to the present, I have grown-up things to do, like go to bed early because I can . . .