You better lock it up, buddy –

My husband usually comes home from work and comfortably slips into the same routine. He puts his motorcycle away, greets the doggies who are always at the door to welcome him home. He asks me how my day was as he takes off his boots, then changes into comfy clothes and grabs the remote to chill out for a while. Yesterday was different.

He came home, put away his motorcycle, greeted the doggies and asked me how my day was, but instead of taking off his boots, he sat down, phone in hand, and started playing a game. He doesn’t typically play games. At first, I thought he was simply tending to a text or looking up the best gas prices nearby, but then I heard the distinct sounds of gaming gunfire, sounds I usually only hear coming from the kid’s rooms.

I was busy writing, well, checking Facebook, but I was writing between the status updates and silly videos that required attention, but this is my story so we’re going to go with writing and make me sound more productive than I was actually being. I went back to what I was doing . . . I mean, working on. At least I tried to.

Listening to him play that game was completely commanding my attention, so much so, I could do nothing but listen at first. Then, I remembered I had a certain skill I could put to perfect use, transcription. I must say, this transcribing session was harder than most. I missed much of what was being said while trying not to laugh. The following is a basic transcription of my husbands one-sided dialogue while shooting zombies from a helicopter . . . I wish I had started sooner.

Husband: “What the hell is that? I’m scared. I don’t know what they did to that thing. I can hear it down there growling.”

(random gunfire and radio chatter)

Husband: “You better lock it up Buddy. You better watch your ass.”

(continued gunfire and radio chatter)

Husband: “Here comes another gorilla. Where are those gorillas coming from? Holy crap. No one told me about those!”

(radio warning regarding the loss of a civilian)

Husband: “Yeah, well, civilians should run faster then. 1 human kill. 8 saved. But what about that monster? I don’t get it. I need a howitzer.”

(radio chatter)

Husband: “Shut up kimoslabie. What the fuu . . . ? Yeah! That was a close call, that dummy jumped right in the mid . . . You guys are stupid.”

(gunfire)

Husband: “Whoa, wait. What the fuu?”

(indistinct chatter, more gunfire)

Husband: “Oh yeah! These guys are . . . I wish I could talk back on this thing. Why would you run right in the middle of zombies? Ooh, there’s gunfire, I’m gonna run right in the middle of it cuz I’m a stupid civilian. Just follow the zombies you morons.”

Command: “You kill one more civilian and we’re pulling you out.”

Husband: “Shut up. That one wasn’t worth living. You know what? Have it your way. I won’t kill any more civilians, but watch what that zombie’s gonna do to him cuz he’s an idiot.”

(No response from command)

Husband: “Oh geez. Hear it? Nice, you guys all huddle up and sing koombaya. Oh man. Damn it.”

End of transcript

The beauty of age . . .

Years etch lines
upon the face of youth,
slowly forming
intricate details
of living art,
soft and silken
to the touch.

Hands of strength
once fast and sure,
now fragile
flowers
of delicate lace
to hold
and to
cherish.

Auburn locks
from days
long past
blow silver
in the wind,
graceful wings
of elegance,
soft as
whispered song.

Eyes once bright
and brilliant
slowly fade to
water color
windows,
reflecting
a lifetime
of knowledge,
and wisdom,
and truth.

Beauty
transcends
time,
merely
changing,
never
fading.

Crystal R. Cook

All the kings horses and all the kings men . . .

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the Kings horses and all the Kings men, couldn’t put Humpty together again.”

I will be putting my father on an airplane today. I don’t know just how I feel right now. I am thankful for the time we’ve had together, I just wish I could have done more, been more, and said more during his stay. He is quiet, spending most of his time locked away in whatever thoughts he may be thinking, hidden away within his room. We are much alike in that way. I should have made more of an effort to open the doors.

He came more out of need than desire, I suppose that isn’t entirely true, the desire was always there but until the need arose it was more of a want and a wish. I had hoped to fulfill what needs he had, to try to heal what needed healing, to nurture what needed nurturing, but I didn’t know how, I don’t think anyone does, not even him.

I don’t know much of the man who once cradled me in his arms, I know he loved me. I know he loves me still. The man I now know has been broken.

He is broken.

As I sat sipping my coffee this morning, thinking about his upcoming departure, that silly old nursery rhyme kept coming to mind. My father is Humpty Dumpty, at least he is in the picture formed by my thoughts as I let my coffee turn cold.

I think this Humpty began to break long before he sat on that wall, maybe that is why he was so easily shattered. No one noticed the insidious cracks that were slowly growing until they became crevices, few seemed to see the tiny shards that fell from his fragile shell as he walked among them.

Jagged bits of him became scattered here and there over time. Some who saw the pieces picked them up and pocketed them, in hopes of restoration, but perhaps they waited too long and forgot where they were meant to fit, or maybe they just couldn’t get near enough. Some of those precious pieces were simply crushed beneath the feet of those who walked beside and behind, without ever looking down.

Collectors of the broken pieces have attempted to patch him back together with mismatched parts they’ve carefully tried to craft themselves, but like puzzle pieces missing corners, they fit, but don’t quite fill the space where they belong.

Humpty looks whole when you see him from a distance, but when you stand with him, face to face, heart to heart, you see the places and spaces in his shell where something once was, where something should be. He is still beautiful, though broken, still shattered, yet whole. He is who he is.

I don’t know if anyone even noticed him climbing the wall he would eventually tumble from, No one seemed to see the danger until after the fall. All of those horses and all of those men never saw the pull it had on Humpty. He was small and it loomed large, offering false freedom on the other side. Humpty was trying to escape from something perhaps only he could see, but real and terrifying. Something that haunted him, something no one else could know. Whatever it was, it pierced his shell and it began to splinter.

He doesn’t need any more fixing, the time for that has passed. What he now needs is acceptance and understanding, compassion and care. He needs space and time to heal, perhaps the rest of time.

The King of Kings has promised healing, the true King has promised he would one day be whole again, when Humpty has finished his journey and he reaches the throne, every crack and every crevice will be filled. New and whole he will be, never again to be broken.

Until that day, be gentle with him . .

Crystal R. Cook

Strength

Strength

Autism – Acceptance is the cure

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Autism Awareness will change the world . . .

Wilson Wisdom for Autism Awareness

 

Wilson Wisdom for Autism Awareness

Check out Wilson Wisdom at Cafepress!

http://www.cafepress.com/wilsonwisdom

A different kind of perfect.

Sometimes, a mishap is simply a mishap, easily fixed and forgotten. Other times, mishap is mayhem in the making, especially when it happens on what is meant to be the most perfect day of your life, the day you’d dreamed about since you were a little girl, the day that will mark the first day of the rest of your life. Your wedding day.

I suppose that’s just a wee bit dramatic, at least for me. I really didn’t have the wedding dreams many young girls seem to have, I honestly never gave it too much though until I knew I was going to be married. Even then, they were simple and sweet. Not too much muss, not too much fuss. Doable. My dream seemed so doable.

Often, the little blunders in life can seem like giant blunders in the midst of the havoc they create, but when the smoke settles and the dust clears, things are often not nearly as bad as they seemed in the moment. We had a bit of a mishap on our wedding day, nothing but our love turned out the way we thought it would.

We stood on the shores of a quiet ocean with soft breezes playfully pulling on my dress and tousling my hair. The warm beach sand beneath our bare feet felt soft as silk as we looked into each other’s eyes and promised forever. He looked regal in his dress uniform, medals twinkling in the fading sun. We sealed our love with a kiss as the sun dipped below the horizon, marking the end of the first day we would spend as husband and wife
.

When I close my eyes and remember how I dreamed our wedding would be, this was how I dreamt it. The sun did set beautifully on the day wed, the rest . . . never actually happened. It was supposed to. It was my dream, but planned perfection is never as perfect as you plan it to be. The day ended as it was meant to, we did walk hand in hand into the future as husband and wife, my wedding day woes ended in happily ever after.

We met shortly before I turned sixteen, he was my first love, my only love and my last love. Years passed, we would go our separate ways and return again, but in the end, we decided to take our journey in life together. After a lifetime in Alaska, we decided to marry on a warm and sunny beach in Florida.

My grandmother helped me pick a beautiful dress. It looked as though it were crafted of delicious, silken cream and soft, billowy curtains of cloud. My soon to be husband was to wear his military finest; he was so very handsome when he donned his uniform. My best friend lived in Florida with her baby girl; she offered her tiny apartment as her gift to us. We were glad to have somewhere cozy, and I must admit, inexpensive, to stay.

Our first day there we drove around, seeing the sights and taking in the sun. We gazed upon the beach where we would soon wed. It was an amazing moment in time, surreal and long-awaited. We hardly rested at all that night, in part because we were anxious for morning, and maybe a little due to a bad case of, I don’t want to sleep syndrome, our youngest host seemed to be having.

When the morning came we were weary, but happy and ready to begin the next chapter of our lives together. I pulled my dress from its protective covering, but it no longer resembled silken cream or wispy cloud. It was a wrinkled up and unattractive version of its former self. As tears began to form in my eyes, my almost husband told me not to worry and helped me dry my tears.

We soon set off to find a dry cleaner to press my crinkled and crumpled dress. It was early. It was early on a Sunday morning. After driving to every dry cleaner in town only to see a closed sign on each door, we decided we would have a Monday morning ceremony on the beach instead of a Sunday evening one. The sun would be rising on the first day of our new life instead of setting on it, still sounded beautiful to me.

Planned perfection with a slight detour took us further than I’d expected. We decided we would get our license and set up the ceremony with the Justice of the Peace who would marry us. The office was in a rather run down strip mall. While we waited in line I heard the rumblings from my so, so, soon husband’s stomach, the sound seemed to be echoing my own. My friend’s daughter was on the cranky side from self-imposed lack of sleep, and the poor darling was hungry as well.

By the time we reached the desk she was practically wailing. We filled out the paperwork, signed here and signed there and waited for the woman with the power to place her seal upon it. While waiting, my friend jokingly said, “I’ll give you twenty bucks if you do it right now.” Maybe it was the sleep deprivation, perhaps the lack of nourishment, or the frustration brought about by the demise of the aforementioned planned perfection, but before we knew it, we were standing before a Justice of the Peace in the back of the dingy little office.

As she began, she told us to grasp hands and look into each other’s eyes. This must be code for start crying, because my friend’s daughter began to howl like a banshee, as we waited for her to calm I began to giggle. My love began to giggle. My now crying friend threw her hands up and began to laugh along, thankfully, so did her daughter.

The woman waiting to lead us into wedded bliss was not laughing however. She wasn’t even smiling. I don’t know how, but we made it through our vows, the four of us trying unsuccessfully not to laugh. She pronounced us man and wife and rolled her eyes as she sent us on our way. Unbeknownst to us, we had gathered quite an audience. A few said congratulations, a few refused eye contact and one said “It’ll never last.”, while yet another scolded us, saying, “Marriage is no laughing matter.”

We were married, we were happy and we were hungry. Twenty bucks was just enough to pay the girl at the McDonald’s drive thru window. We spent the rest of our day at Universal Studios and ended it by driving past the beautiful beach I had seen in my dreams. It would have been a lovely wedding.

Of course our parents were about as thrilled as the lady who led us in our vows, we have no wedding pictures aside from one we took in the old-fashioned photo studio at the theme park. We did dress in vintage wedding clothes which were much fancier than the shorts, t-shirts and flip-flops we were actually married in. The pictures we snapped during our day show a young couple having fun, we look happy and although I sometimes wish things had gone the way we’d planned, I wouldn’t trade that day or my memories of it for anything.

I did get a free spa package out of the deal a few years ago from a radio station for sharing my story. It was a welcome bit of pampering. I wish I could find the man who said it wouldn’t last and tell him just how long it has. I wish the woman who told us marriage was no laughing matter could see how much joy those moments of laughter have given us.

Now, my idea of planned perfection is whatever God has in store for us . . .

Crystal R. Cook

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It seems some people aren’t happy unless they are getting whatever satisfaction they derive from causing stress and hurt in others . . . If we stop giving them what they desire, they may just stop trying to get it.