Tag Archive | insomnia

Blink if you weren’t already well aware *Yawn

People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint – it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly . . . time-y wimey . . . stuff.

Wonderfully, wisely and wittily explained by 10. If you don’t readily know the reference I reluctantly forgive you. This time. Well, sort of, but not really. Go ahead and blink.

It’s 4:30. In the morning. What I was fairly certain was still today became yesterday when I looked at the clock after several hours of tossing and turning in an unsuccessful bid for sweet and solid sleep, and an inconvenient midnight need to cleanse my bathroom due to an unexpected, albeit minor, invasion of ants. Ants are assholes, in case you weren’t already well aware.

So tomorrow is now and I’ve not slept since the day before and my current state of mind is ever so slightly, just a bit, wibbly wobbly. More so than my norm. What I wouldn’t give for a police box in Tardis blue to take me back the moment I forgot to take that blasted little lullaby in a bottle of a pill that helps me fall asleep.

My internal clock decided quite some time ago to tender its resignation, leaving me very much awake and on my own, no es bueno for me. My body went on strike, vowing to stay awake until its demand for the missing ticking be met, and since my turncoat timepiece abandoned me, I had no choice but to seek pharmaceutical relief. Internal clocks are assholes, in case you weren’t already well aware.

The sun will soon be up and I will be a shell of a person sipping my coffee like a zombie with a throbbing headache I can already feel drumming . . . Can’t you hear it? Inside my head. I thought it would stop. But it never does. It never, ever stops. Inside my head. The drumming, the constant drumming.

Oh, where is a doctor when you need one. Again, quasi forgiveness if you’ve no idea what I am blathering on about. Today is Saturday, I just remembered I do in fact have an appointment to see The Doctor. New guy, only one visit so far, we’ll see how good he is. Capaldi, don’t fail me. I know you can’t hear me, but you should have kept the facial hair. I blame Moffet of course.

I swear I keep feeling ants. I may as well get that coffee brewing, it is going to be a long, long day and I cannot stop yawning. Yawns are assholes, in case you weren’t already well aware.

Crystal R. Cook

I rise and write.

Jul3

Hendrick ter Brugghen – Old Man Writing by Candlelight

When the sun settles for the night and the moon begins its reign, I rise and I write.

Insomnia is often a writer’s friend, perhaps even their only friend at times. It can also be an innocent and unintentional adversary. Many nights I have laid my head upon my pillow in hopes of drifting into dream. Instead, my mind begins to think on things I should have thought of throughout the day. Ideas and epiphanies chance moonlight visits to my conscious mind, begging me to rise and give them life upon a page.

Sonnets of silence serenade me with lullabies not meant to calm me to rest, but rather charm me to dream a thousand wakeful dreams. With my eyes open, pen in hand, word by beautiful word, they enchant me. A writer’s respite is not often found in the dark of night. Meandering minutes quickly turn to hours when a wandering muse beckons. When night retreats to the rising sun and the words silence to claim the sleep that was meant to be mine, it is time again to start another day.

Coffee in hand I stumble through, vowing not to stir again before the morning sun. I almost make myself believe I will slumber when the night comes, but when it does the seduction of solitude is too much to resist and I find myself once again, dancing with words across a page like lovers in a dream. I know too well the next day will be filled with weary eyes and a yawning, yearning for sleep.

Sometimes, when the night words come to steal my tomorrow, I refuse to play. When I do not heed their call, they whisper louder to lure me from my bed, knowing I will mourn their loss if I do not rise and claim them for my own. As a willing servant I follow and frolic just as I did the night before. Though happy to have the gift of them granted to me, I know there will be a price to pay, and I gladly pay it without pause.

There are moments I admit I have wished them gone. When my tired eyes blur and my head pounds in time with the beating of my heart, sometimes I wish them gone . . . but not really. Without them I would cease to exist, at least I fear I would. Every now and again, they retreat and sleep consumes me. I never fear their leave of me; they are silent and still only long enough for my body and mind to rejuvenate before they come again to play.

I welcome them and look to the light of the moon to guide our way through another night.

Crystal R. Cook

Geez, melodramatic much?

Jun17

I can be just a teeny melodramatic sometimes. Well, really only in the wee hours of the morning after I’ve tossed and turned all night. I am not one for drama. Those nights though, when the day has been rough and sleep refuses to visit, I take it out on the page. I am fairly certain if too many of my silent midnight ravings were to be set loose, I would quite possibly find myself locked securely away somewhere.

Thank goodness for the sanctuary and release of words . . . Usually, I find these bits of craziness tucked into my nightstand months after they were written, I generally have no idea what led me to write them. This one though, this was after a particularly rough IEP meeting, fighting the school, again, for the services my son required and deserved. I got them, but the battle wore me down. Everything was wearing me down.

I always feel better after I spill my lunacy upon a page, the therapeutic power of the pen is magical.

Things
in my mind
are not
fit to be
thought.

Aberrations
of normalcy,
detached
from
reality,
if there
is indeed
such a
thing.

Purging
and
pouring
into the
abyss of
what used
to be.

Filling
to the brim
with bile.

The bane
of simple
existence
too much a
burden upon
battered and
bruised
shoulders that
have carried
more than
their share
of suffering
never meant
for them.

Bones crush,
hearts break,
spirits begin
to cry out
for mercy
that will
never come.

Their thirst will
never be
quenched,
hunger will
never be
quelled,
not even
when there
is nothing
left of me
to feed upon.

Darkness
will cloak
me in
the fear
I no longer
have strength
to fight,
I no longer
care to fight.

Respite and
retreat
are what I
long for now.

No more
battle,
no more
victory,
no more
defeat.

Leave me
to my misery
until the light
beckons me
to rise
and face
the battle
once again.

Crystal R Cook

Sleepless

Jun9

The sun has
long since set.

The midnight hour
has already begun
to surrender reign
to the approaching
dawn.

With heavy eyes,
I abide in silence
while the sun
stirs from slumber.

The night has been
so very long.

I fear this new day
may linger past its
appointed hour
as well.

What unseen thief has
has robbed me of repose?

I pray this season of unrest
is soon quelled.

I yearn to be lost in dream.

I long to have the ebony sky
blanket me in the mysteries
it holds.

To be swept away on a
moon beam odyssey
is my fondest desire.

Stirring thoughts
keep the lullaby
of peaceful solace
from me.

Rambling notions stumble,
one upon another
in desperate measure
to be heard,
refusing to be ignored.

Fingers of light
have begun to reach
into my night veiled realm.

They beckon me
to arise and frolic,
but the night does not
willingly release
its embrace.

I will soon enough rise
and move about the day,
though my innermost
essence is weary,
I will remain steadfast.

When this day’s ebbing sun
takes another evening bow,
I will once more retreat
to the comfort
of my darkened room
and pray through the night
for the hush of perfect solitude
to encompass me.