Misanthropic | The Qwiet Muse

A is for ASSHATS everywhere I look

B is for BUTTHEADS who give dirty looks

C is for CRYBABIES that never stop whining

D is for DOUCHEBAGS that never stop lying

E is for EVERYONE who can’t behave well

F is for FOLLOWERS who won’t think for themselves

G is for GROUCHES who bring everyone down

H is for HOOLIGANS acting like clowns

I is for IDJITS and everything they say

J is for JERKS who just want their way

K is for KISSASSES who bring so much strife

L is for LOSERS who need to get a life

M is for MONSTERS who are mean just for fun

N is for NINCOMPOOPS every single one

O is for OPPRESSORS and the peace they disrupt

P is for the PESTIFEROUS who need to give it up

Q is for the QUITTERS leaving everything undone

R is for the RADICALS who target everyone

S is for SNOBS who make me wanna scream

T is for the TROLLS who hide behind their screens

U is for the USERS who never pay their dues

V is for the VEXATIOUS twits who bother me and you

W is for WINY ones with their panties in a bunch

X is for the XENOPHOBES I’d really like to punch

Y is for the YOKELISH YOUTH who seem to have no manners

Z is for the ZEALOTS with their speeches and their banners

Now you know new ABCs, next time please don’t sing with me, (you know, the whole misanthrope thing?) It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just . . . well, you’re a people and misanthrope’s don’t much care for people, so –

I suppose you think I’m an asshat now, it’s right there in the first line. I’m not one, an asshat. Not all the time. Rarely even. As a matter of fact, I’m actually a really sweet person and now I feel bad, not bad enough to change it or anything, because I’m also a little mean and my sense of humor is warped beyond repair and I really DON’T like the kind of people mentioned here in The Misanthrope’s Alphabet.

Come to think of it, you don’t have to be a misanthrope to get on board with this alphabetic rant, as a matter of fact, I bet super good, super nice folks would maybe even agree with me.

I wonder if I should have used MISANTHROPE for M?

I do like people, in theory, and sometimes in real life too. Just so long as they cannot be assigned any of the attributes described in A – Z.

So, I guess that’s all. I really am a nice person. So nice.

(for real)

Son-of-a-fugly-jackhole. People piss me off. Okay, maybe not you, but people in general. I am a loving, kind-hearted, compassionate, and caring bitch of a good person and yet I have a difficult time extending these amazing qualities to the majority of the people I am forced to walk the earth with, and yes, I am calling myself out as amazing . . . because I can.

Some people just seem to thrive on being as boorish as they can be. I don’t understand it. The thing that absolutely, positively, and undeniably upsets me most is the contagion factor of it all. They make me feel like they are acting when they fling their poo around like wild monkeys. It stinks and it sticks to you.

I don’t want to stink.

I’d like to walk around with a lovely little canister labeled Petulance Repellant or something preferably more witty, and spray the crap out of people with it. I would buy it in bulk.

I need to shake it off, or shower it away now because I have to brave the masses once more, I forgot what I originally went out to get. I got this. I can handle it. Just in case I lose it, is anyone willing to act as a character witness for me?

Click on the link below when you find yourself at odds with the human race. Humor helps.

http://www.pinterest.com/qwietpleez/funnies-misanthropic-bliss/