My son. My precious, precious, manipulatively genius son. He’s a bit of a wordsmith, he knows words hold some sort of magical power over me and he is not hesitant in the slightest to wield that power against me for his own gain.
He knows how it thrills me each time he tells me he’s written something, he uses that to his advantage every now and again. As a matter of fact, he used the magical and mighty force of the written word against me just yesterday.
A small bit of background, for reference – My Matthew, the second of my four children, will be 24 years old next month. He is, technically, an adult. A superbly fantastic and monumentally (at times) challenging adult. He is autistic, beautifully so. And bright, obviously so.
One of his loves is weaponry, specifically swords, which he has spent a pretty penny on over the years. They were meant to be decorative items, but they were often taken from the walls by he and his brothers (and sister), and used in actual, unsanctioned, swordplay. I put my foot down and decreed there would be no more swords (or airsoft rifles, or BB or pellet guns) purchased. He conceded and there has been relative peace in my kingdom and his money was channelled elsewhere. But then yesterday, he set out to create a loophole in which to trap me.
The following is the document I was presented with . . .
Long ago, in a different time when there were no electronics, where your livelihood was not determined by the size of your bank account, but by your wit and wisdom, one skill above all others was most prevalent, and that was the skill to hunt, for this was the age of survival. Sadly, unlike most animals, we are not blessed with bodies that are adept for the hunt, but what we lack in physical prowess we make up for in mental fortitude and that’s where our most valuable method for survival comes in, tools.
There are many tools that have helped us survive in the past, but above all others one tool helped us conquer the age of survival and that tool was the bow. The bow was the perfect weapon, unlike the sword were you had to train vigorously and still might be considered second-rate, the bow was easy to learn. It was devastating on the battlefield but kept you safe from most all weapons aside from other bows. Do not misunderstand, it was in no means flawless, after all the tool is only as good as the user.
I will be taking the next few minutes to address 10 important points I believe show that even in this day and age the bow is still a valid tool, and I hope we can leave here with the consensus that the bow is a valid exception to our agreed upon rule and that there will be no quarrel with its purchase this month.
Point number 1. Archery is ideal for an upper body workout. It improves upper body strength as well as hand-eye coordination and balance.
Point number 2. Unlike with our swords, we will not be fighting each other, thus the likelihood of us being injured is greatly diminished.
Point number 3. Not only do I want this, but so does Michael (and I’d assume Victor as well). Michael is his younger brother, Victor is his best friend.
Point number 4. You’ve made it known that you want us to spend more time outside, well with this we now have a rather strong incentive to do that.
Point number 5. It’s a potentially inexpensive hobby.
Point number 6. We could make a guest appearance on CW’s ARROW.
Point number 7. It is an Olympic sport so if we get good enough we might make it there.
Point number 8. I believe it is something that you can join us in and that we can do as a family.
Point number 9. Like martial arts, it can not only help strengthen the body, but the mind as well.
Point number 10. It’s simply fun.
Now with these ten points in mind, I hope that I’ve convinced you that this purchase is in fact valid and it is necessary, for the benefits far outweigh the costs.