Can’t wait to see what next year brings! Thank you to each and every one of you who clicked your way to The Qwiet Muse . . .
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 1,500,000 times in 2015. If it were an exhibit at the Louvre Museum, it would take about 64 days for that many people to see it.
Click here to see the complete report.
I am thankful for doors that never opened and for the ones I had to close. Some of those doors were beautiful and I desperately wanted to see what was on the other side. Sometimes, I would catch a glimpse behind them when someone else went through, but I could never follow, they said,
“This door is not for you.”
Some of the doors had broken locks and I would tiptoe in, but they were cold and dark inside, I felt lost once I was in. I left the rooms behind those doors and never entered them again.
There were other doors, some plain and uninviting, but a lovely light crept through their cracks and I was drawn to them, and when I asked if I may enter, they opened wide and welcomed me. I worried if I stepped outside I might never get back in.
“Don’t be silly, don’t you see?” said the doors, “Your heart has always been the key.”
Everything is fine.
It’s good.
In fact, perhaps, just maybe, there’s a possibility things are even great – but I cannot say for certain for my heart, my heart is beating far too fast, so very, very fast. My thoughts are swiftly swirling, swirling, swirling into a vortex, into a void – spinning fast and furious, and then faster, faster still – pulling apart with magnificent, terrifying ease, the finely woven tapestry, the tapestry of * me *. Threads of my reality are fraying, strings and strands and tendrils of . . . sanity? being swallowed by a nothingness I swear is all too real.
Silly, silly girl. I know. Everything is fine.
Tell it to my heart, it’s beating faster still.
Everything is fine. I must write the words to make them real. Words. Words. Which ones?
The right ones, the right ones of course.
Words. I must simply write the words because maybe things are great and I need do nothing more than read them to remind my beating (still too quickly) heart . . . remind my heart to tell me, tell me everything is fine.
Write the words and swallow half a little pill . . . write them, read them, once and then again, and then again once more.
The tempest quells, the words prevail – the words prevail once more.
Everything is fine.
Letting go
of fear,
of doubt –
(again)
of what if,
what was,
and what is yet to be.
Letting go of all the
things
I’ve let grab hold of me.
(again)
Casting off the shackles
I’ve somehow bound myself within,
shedding and discarding
them like forgiven sin.
Once more, again –
the slate is cleansed
with freshly fallen tears,
of mourning,
rejoicing,
of hellos
and of goodbyes,
of memories and moments
falling from my eyes.
(again)
And lo, a new year dawns
when the last tear
is shed and wiped away,
another new beginning
ushers in a brand new day.
(again)
Crystal R. Cook
If you’re looking for the perfect, last-minute gift for the writer in your life, (or for yourself) this is it. I am currently devouring each word. Usually, I finish a book before recommending it, but I knew just a few pages in that anyone who has ever sat down and put pen to page was going to fall in love with it as quickly as I did.
Juni Desireé has compiled a phenomenal collection of quotes and anecdotes from writers of all ages from around the world about one of my favorite things to both read and write about ~ writing. They share from the heart their love of writing; why they write, what the written word means to them – they encourage and uplift and inspire. I am honored to be among these many voices, I must admit to feeling almost unworthy of sharing the page with them.
Already, I feel empowered and inspired to write, write, write.
I have so much more to say about this beautiful book, but for now I must resume my reading. I simply couldn’t wait to share.
“Whether you’re an established writer or just thinking about giving writing a go, this book will inspire you to write for the love of writing. With over 200 people from around the world sharing their love of the writing, Fall in Love with Writing will encourage you that anyone can write. You don’t need eloquent words or literary prose; all you need are your own words on the page to share your stories. Packed full of writing advice, prompts, and examples of people’s raw and honest writing, this book will give you a taste of the writing world and lots of ideas to get you started and keep on going. May you fall in love with writing.”
Click the link to order your Kindle copy right now!
Finding new and amazing bloggers is a blessing . . .
Coming clean, clearing the slate, confessing, purging, owning up . . . I did some awful things in 2015. Some of them were honest mistakes and unintended mishaps, but some of them were choices. Bad choices, and in effort to start this new year with a clean conscience I must own up to them.
This isn’t easy for me. I’m not a bad person. I’m only human, of flesh and blood I’m made. I’m only human, born to make mistakes. Thank you, Human League, for lending those lines of perfect subterfuge to the world.
I’d like to say I fully intend to atone for my wrongdoings, but the truth is – I probably won’t. Confession is good for the soul they say, I’ll just do that and try to do better this new year. It’s not like I broke any major laws or caused irreparable harm in some way, unless you count the couple of dishes I broke (and didn’t own up to).
Alright, might as well get this over with. Don’t judge me too harshly, you’re only human too.
1 – I went through the 15 items or less line with more than fifteen items. Twice.
2 – I stayed in my bed and my jammies all day and watched a Snapped marathon on the ID Channel then told my husband I was still in bed because I wasn’t feeling well.
3 – I told my husband I needed to get a gift at Barnes and Noble for a friend and bought three books for myself. I forgot the gift.
4 – I told my family the chicken I’d taken out for dinner was freezer burned so I didn’t have to cook dinner. We had pizza.
5 – I told my doctor I’d been drinking lots of water. I didn’t tell her half of it was coffee flavored.
6 – I let my phone go to voicemail when I wasn’t too busy to answer it.
7 – I told my husband the art supplies I bought at Michael’s were on sale, I may have misspoke – the truth is, they were for sale.
8 – I spilled a cup of coffee on the floor and blamed it on the dogs.
9 – I spilled a bowl of soup on the floor and blamed it on the dogs.
10 – I spilled a cup of soda on the floor and blamed it on the dogs.
11 – I bought cookies and hid them from everyone.
12 – I clicked like on a Facebook post without reading it.
13 – I did not read the terms and conditions before agreeing to them.
14 – I used the word literally when I should have said figuratively.
15 – I cheated on a Buzzfeed test to get a better answer.
16 – I had to re-run more than one load of laundry because I was too lazy to put it in the dryer in time.
17 – I forgot to water the plants. Most of the summer.
18 – I threw away leftovers . . . and the containers they were in.
19 – I didn’t always pay attention when people were talking to me.
20 – I answered more than one question with ‘I don’t know’ so I didn’t have to keep talking.
21 – I took pictures of an article in a magazine instead of buying it.
There may be more.
It feels good to get that off my chest. I’m not gonna lie, I may make the same mistakes in 2016.
I pulled up an old piece written for The Stir on CafeMom that ran for Autism Awareness Month in 2010. I just wanted to share it again for those new to this journey. My children and I have traveled this winding path for a long time now, navigating the many twists and turns, still finding unexpected beauty amidst the many detours along the way.
My children have come so far and grown so much.
They’ve taught me more than I’d ever hoped to teach them. The struggles they face and the obstacles they must overcome are many and changing as time passes. Two steps forward and one step back doesn’t really apply when it comes to autism.
Some days it is one step forward, stub your toe, trip on something, stand up, turn around, sit down, get back up and start all over again. Sometimes though, we simply take a leap and land on both feet.
So much has changed in the field of Autism research, so much has been learned, yet the stigma and the struggle to adapt in an oftentimes unaccepting world remain. This has truly been our greatest struggle.
In 2010, when this piece was written, my boys were just stepping out into the uncharted territory of adulthood. I’ve often thought of society in general as playground bullies or the bystanders that turn a blind eye to them. Thankfully, there are angels that walk the earth who look at my boys with their hearts and see who they truly are.
Now, at 26 and 23, they are still trying to find their footing, stuck somewhere between ability and disability, childhood and adulthood, just trying to find a place to belong. So much attention is paid to children with Autism, as it should be, but what we need to remember is they grow up. Autism does not go away as childhood passes by, they simply become adults with Autism.
There is a great need for more services for these Autistic adults, services that are easy to access. It is slowly happening, a watch pot never boils, right? We still keep an eye it on though, waiting to see the bubbles rise to the surface. I am watching . . . and waiting.
In the meantime, I continue to teach them, continue to support and nurture and love them. They are content with who they are, they accept themselves and they accept everyone around them. They just want to be accepted by as well.
A few notes regarding the article – We no longer use the terms high, mid or low functioning. These terms can be misleading. When someone hears high functioning, they may expect more out of the person that they can often give, when they hear low functioning, they often do not expect enough. It’s Autism. It is all, just Autism.
I am proud of my boys and the men they have become and look forward to the men they will one day be.
They are my heroes.
*Matthew’s diagnosis is written as PDD NOS, it was later changed to Asperger’s with a co-morbid dx of Bipolar.
*My husband I did not wed when we were teenagers, we’d met 25 years prior to this article, the I do’s came later.
*While I no longer admin for the Autism group, the friendships I forged during my time there have remained and grown.
Interview with Crystal Cook by Amy Boshnack
Wilson
Wilson, age 20, with his buddies Arthur and Merlin. Crystal married her high school sweetheart almost 25 years ago and they had four children, three boys and one girl, who are now between the ages of 12 and 20. Two of her boys have Autistic Spectrum Disorder.
Crystal spends what free time she has on CafeMom as an administrator for the Autism/Asperger’s/ PDD Awareness Group. (You must be a member of CafeMom to view the discussions in this group.) This allows her to “reach out to many and share the message of autism awareness and acceptance.”
She has learned a lot over the years and shares some of that knowledge, and her own story, with us now.
Matthew
How old were your boys when you first suspected they might have autism? What were those initial signs?
To be honest, I knew from the very beginning. When my oldest was born and I looked into his eyes, I just knew there was something special about him. Not the kind of special all moms see when they look upon the new life they just brought into the world, I felt that of course, but there was something beneath the perfection of him, something in his eyes somehow told me he would be special in a very different way than I had expected.
As he grew, he wasn’t meeting the typical milestones most babies did. Smiling, cooing, rolling over … he was just content to lay there and watch the little bears on his mobile until hunger prompted him to call out for me. I went to his pediatrician with many questions and left without answers. When he was six months old and hadn’t shown any interest in sitting up or playing much, I was told I must be holding him too much. When he wasn’t trying to mimic sounds like the other babies his age, I was told I didn’t talk to him enough. When he didn’t crawl and then didn’t walk, I was told I carried him too much. None of those things were true, but I could get no-one to listen to me.
The general consensus of his doctors and most other people in my life was I was young and lacked the skills needed to teach a baby. I was more than frustrated. When he was sixteen months old I contacted an early intervention program to assess him. He had just mastered standing and walking around objects. He had yet to even try and mimic any words and he wanted nothing to to with anyone but me.
By two and a half he was enrolled in a special education preschool. No one could say what was wrong but all agreed there was something. By kindergarten he was beginning to speak with the help of a speech therapist. It wasn’t until he was nine that we received a diagnosis. A new doctor on his team had just returned from an autism conference and he concluded that he had a form of autism. This was a hard word for so many to swallow, too many still thought of autism as the withdrawn child rocking alone in a corner. There was a whole spectrum to the disorder that most doctors and teachers were just beginning to accept.
When his little brother came along I saw that same look in his eyes. The spectrum is vast though and he was quite different from his brother. He was fussy and constantly on the move. He took his first steps the day he was nine months old. Speech did not come to him until around the age of five. Like his brother he had many sensory and learning deficits which were apparent from very early on.
In those first moments when you found out your children’s diagnosis, how did you react? And how did that reaction change over time?
I cried. Not tears of sadness though. Tears of thanks and relief. After all the years of searching and trying to find doctors who would listen to me and see what I was seeing, I finally had an actual diagnosis. It’s safe to say I felt almost euphoric for days, perhaps even weeks afterward.
Time has done nothing to change the happiness and release I felt once those words were spoken. I suppose you could say I felt empowered and vindicated.
What is their exact diagnosis? And what does that mean in laymen terms?
My oldest is diagnosed officially with autism. Mid to high functioning. Every child with autism can present a different array of symptoms. He began his life with obvious developmental and cognitive delays. Sensory integration, speech and language issues, social adaptability and self-help skills are just some of the areas autism has effected his life.
His brother carries a diagnosis of PDD-NOS, pervasive developmental disability – not otherwise specified. He shares many of the same issues as his brother, but to a lesser degree.
Not all children on the spectrum have learning disabilities, mine do. They both carry a co-morbid diagnosis of ADD. My oldest has an anxiety disorder and the younger of the two is also treated for bipolar disorder. Both live with the effects of Tourettes Syndrome as well.
What are 3 things you wish someone would have told you about autism that you had to learn on your own?
Wow, this one is tough because twenty years ago no one even mentioned autism. It wasn’t something that was thought of when it came to children with the difficulties mine presented. I find it almost amusing, at times, when I read about the different therapies used now, things I instinctively did on my own.
What or who has been your greatest resource for information and support during this time?
Again, a difficult question. Until my son was nine years old, I knew nothing about autism. The Internet wasn’t there for us as a resource when he was younger. My support system was my family. My mother has held me up during times I simply could not stand on my own.
What’s been the most challenging part of dealing with a child with autism?
Honestly, the most challenging thing I have faced in the twenty years since I began this journey has been the lack of knowledge and acceptance of autistic spectrum disorders. One of the biggest challenges our children face is the prejudice and ignorance that prevails in our society. It shouldn’t be so difficult for people to accept the differences of those with autism. Parents shouldn’t be blamed and those with autism should not be made to feel shamed or shunned because they may walk or talk differently than those around them.
Tell us something that makes your children special or unique.
Innocence. My boys have maintained an innocence you just don’t see in many young people their age. It’s the kind of innocence that sees things as most of us stop seeing them as we grow older. It’s the innocence of play and pure love.
Knowledge. Amazing knowledge about amazing things. They tell me things that I never knew and I am in awe.
Finally…. The debate around the cause(s) of autism is very heated right now. What do you think causes autism?
Genetics. Perhaps there are environmental triggers for those who have the makeup for it. My children did not regress or ‘go away’ they simply didn’t develop the way other children did. When they were babies they were nowhere near as many vaccines given. It terrifies me to know there are parents who choose not to vaccinate. The reason we live in a time without the diseases that once took so many lives is because we have taken the steps to vaccinate against them.
*update *
(after you’ve picked your faves from this one, of course!)
Looking for a fantastic gift for that hard to buy for writer, book lover or word nerd in your life? I may have found a few things to consider (twenty to be precise) beyond the usual moleskin notebooks, journals, bookmarks, and gift cards they usually receive; things that might just make their creatively nerdy hearts skip a beat and let them know you really appreciate their unique interests.
Some, most . . . maybe all the items on this list definitely made it into my letter to Santa this year.
Click on images to visit websites
Personalized Library Embosser $26.00
Grammarian Plate Set $49.99
Bluetooth Typewriter keyboard $309.00
Soap for Writer’s Block $8.95
Shakespearean Insult Bandages $9.99
The Storymatic Classic – 540 Unique Cards – Tell Stories, Play Games, Make Art, and More $29.95
Jonathan Adler Ampersand Resin Paperweight $14.95
Beautiful Reading children Bookends $242.00
Pictorial Webster’s
A Visual Dictionary of Curiosities $35.00
Shakespeare Pencil Set
Distressed Famous Classic Author Book Spines Black & White, Framed Canvas Art by Pied Piper Creative $45.00
The Drop – Horror Novel Toilet Roll $15.00
The Deluxe Transitive Vampire: The Ultimate Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed
Grammar Owl Tee $22.00
Windsor Pros Writing Set $54.95
Antique Style Wood Folding Travel Writing Lap Desk $89.99
Magnetic Poetry – Edgar Allan Poe Poet Kit $11.95
Haikubes $22.00
Scrabble Luxury Edition $200.00
PREMIER EDITION SCRABBLE® $159.00
When I opened my eyes the darkness blinded me. The black night encompassed me in its ebony veil. I could feel long icy fingers of fear wrapping round my quickening heart. The silence surrounding me pounded in my ears, but I wasn’t alone. I sensed a presence somewhere near. So near.
I was in pain, my muscles cramping as I lay there, no room to extend my legs for relief. I was cold. So cold. So many thoughts raced through my mind, how did I get here? What had happened? What would happen next?
Time passed slowly as my unanswered questions turned to thoughts of my children and I knew I had to survive, they needed me, but I could barely keep my eyes open. I was fading, fading into a dark, cold oblivion I could conceive of no escape from.
As a lay shivering, waiting for the inevitable, I heard something. A faint rumbling at first, but it grew steadily louder and louder and I realized I had to move. I had to save myself. Clarity found me and I realized I’d fought this battle before. That rumbling was the night beast and I’d beaten him before.
It took everything in me to turn myself over and poke him in the head. I took back my blankets, kicked the dog off the bed and as my body warmed, I drifted off to dream . . .
Jamaica Homes: Find Your Dream Property in Jamaica. Search Homes for Sale & Rent.
New and recent writing on homes, property, investment, and real estate news from Jamaica
Jem Bloomfield on books and faith
Writing Advice from a YA Author Powered by Chocolate and Green Tea
Giving expressions to what's in my heart for the world.
For Sensory Processing Disorder Kiddos and Their Parents
a little bit of poetry
A celebration of writing, reading, and creativity
The blog is dedicated to the people which care about their goals, dreams , actions including the ones that have paused , slow down or even stopped moving forward.
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